Joe Fitzpatrick 
Pssst! Oi, mate! Hey, you there! Yes, you. Please allow me to let you in on a little secret. Come closer; you won't believe what I've just heard. Word is... you're not going to believe this... but the word on the street is that the Emperor isn't actually wearing any clothes! Calm down! Shhhh! Keep it between us for just for a minute. Yes, I know that you think that you can see the exquisite, elegant garments that everyone keeps on going on about, but you have to understand that they are only about as real as my digitally-installed "total recall" memories of Katie Price's big beautiful fake mammaries.
Yes, of course it's true. I swear on the life of my lovely dead cat Snowball's grave it is. No, really. It is! There! Now! Look there! There! Can you see his wrinkly old bum there? A wee tiny bit more than you wanted to see of him, isn't it? And again - there it is! Do you see it now? I'm sure it must just be a very cold day.
And so it was that, after a few boys and girls had heard the whisper and truly believed in it with all of their heart and soul, then soon it was that the veil was lifted from the eyes of the peasants and the whole kingdom could finally see that the Emperor was only kidding himself about his magnificent new garments (he had even somehow managed to deceive himself, despite the cold weather) and he was in fact, stark bullock-naked.
Emperor Arsène "Caesar" Wenger publicly decreed four very interesting but also very stupid statements last season that are going to haunt him and Arsenal F.C. until he somehow manages to win a major trophy for Arsenal again, or he decides to cash in his chips, retires from club football and finally ends up as head coach of the French national team.
The emperor somehow managed to keep a straight face when he came up with these four little nuggets of comedy-gold, 1. "This is my best squad ever". 2. "This team has unbelievable mental strength". 3. "I would sign up right now for second place for the next 20 years", and - my own personal favourite - 4. (on the apparent lack of on-field leadership in the Arsenal team) "There is a big cultural difference. For the English, sport is a combat. The English can't imagine going into battle without a general. For the French, football is a form of collective expression."
Each and every one of those statements should strike you - as a true Arsenal fan - as immediately and obviously ridiculous, but what worries me most is, what in the world are the players thinking when they hear Le Boss spouting such utter tripe? Do they think that he's finally gone completely mental? Or do they pity him as an idealistic and romantic old fool who has lost touch with the real world and who, in his lonely world of idealistic isolation, stubbornly refuses to listen to anyone else? Possibly even on occasion ignoring his own better judgement about the true abilities of some of his players, so clouded is his judgement by the emotional and financial commitment he has made to this group of players?
The problem for the emperor is that, while players like Fabregas and Van Persie have developed into tailor-made designer suits, players like Almunia, Eboue, Squillaci, Diaby, Denilson and Bendtner have only developed into a skid-marked pair of Primark pants - which only goes to show that, although you can sometimes get some fantastic deals on a bit of clobber in the sales, you usually get what you pay for.
The recent comments and behaviour of some of our players would suggest that some of the current Arsenal squad can see that their glorious leader, Arsène "Caesar" Wenger, is wandering around completely naked and that the time has come for them to jump ship before they are dragged down into the murky depths of his tragically-flawed, failed footballing philosophy. They have been sharpening their knives for Caesar with some lazy, uncommitted, mentally-weak, error-strewn performances for some years now, but some of their words and actions recently must surely cut deeper into Wenger’s heart than any blade could ever reach. I'm so disgusted by it all that I simply can't imagine what Arsène Wenger must be thinking to himself right now.
Arsène Wenger can't be sleeping too well lately. Rumour has it that he can't lie on his back (he can only tell a lie when he's standing up anyway, see points 1-4 for details) and that's probably due to all the knives that he has had plunged in between his shoulder blades by his players recently. It must be so uncomfortable for him to be publicly humiliated like this by the all the little monsters that he has created. Like a real-life Dr. Frankenstein, Wenger is suffering at the hands of his own creation in a bitter twist in his story at Arsenal that may just finish poor old Emperor Wenger off. Wenger has successfully brainwashed and mesmerised his players into believing that they are the second coming of the Invincibles, when they are clearly more like the bloody Invisibles most of the time. The fact that he has some of these kids believing that they are Zidane or Maradona should be worthy of a medal in itself, as it is undoubtedly one of the most amazing motivational achievements in the history of world football.
Arsène Wenger should be afraid, very afraid. Arsène Wenger has lost the faith and respect of his players, meaning that he has therefore literally lost his dressing room. When that happens to a manager, it usually means that it's just a matter of time before he gets the axe or chooses to jump overboard from his sinking ship before he is forced to walk the plank by his own mutinous crew. Remember Big Phil Scolari at Chelsea? Or Ruud Gullit at Newcastle? Just two examples of great men who certainly know a thing or two about football, but couldn't control the over-inflated egos and the bad eggs in their dressing rooms.
I take no pride in criticising Wenger, as I was once one of his greatest supporters, but after that groundhog season we've just had, I've pretty much had enough now. It hurts to see someone you used to idolise become a laughing stock, a living, breathing walking, talking caricature of himself, and this serial abuse of Arsenal fans has to stop - now. Full stop. Arsenal fans can no longer be expected to put up with mediocre players who can't even be bothered to try their best on a consistent basis because they have been convinced that they are the finished article. They actually think that they are superstars! Even though they haven't won anything! Hilarious, isn't it? They all seem completely convinced that they are individually not the problem but that everyone else in the squad is the problem.
I don't want to watch Wenger continue to fail, I don't revel in the misfortunes of Arsenal F.C. I want to see him win things again, but unless he signs the modern equivalents of Sol Campbell, Patrick Vieira and Thierry Henry this summer it's just so not going to happen for him, I’m afraid, simply because of the way that he sets his team up to play the beautiful game.
In order for Wengerball to be effective, you need a sh*t-hot world-class team, and we have mostly a very decent-looking under-21 side at the very best. This current squad is nowhere near a world class team. No it is not. Remember the golden age, the good old times, remember when we had Pires, Henry, Bergkamp, Ljungberg and Vieira all in the same team? Now that was Wenger’s best squad ever. This new squad isn’t fit to lace their boots, but Emperor Arsène seems to have them thinking that they are all so very fabulous, even the ones who aren't World Cup finalists like Fabregas and Van Persie.
This all started for me when I heard the news that Cesc Fabregas was shooting his mouth off back in April this year. He said "From 2007, I had already started saying ‘we're not winning, but we're playing well’. And then you realise that's no use. You enjoy yourself, during a phase of the championship - like this year, for example, when we were still in four different competitions. And you say to yourself 'here I have everything!' But then that final point is missing and it's then when you have to make a decision: either go out and win, or develop players."
Fabregas also discussed why Wenger was not under more pressure following Arsenal's lack of trophies. "It's different here," the Spain midfielder added. "The coach is an intelligent person and the club values other things - that the team is always in the Champions League, that they fight until the end, bring through young players, economic stability. I guess that, for the board, that is important. Although I imagine there will be a moment when you have to take the plunge...either you win or you don't win."
The Spanish midfielder believes his side are lacking a few important ingredients to challenge the domination that Manchester United and Chelsea have enjoyed over recent seasons. "It's difficult. For me it's more a lack of a winning mentality, also of maturity in key moments," he said. "We have plenty of quality but lack this bit of confidence. The problem is that the team needs to win something. That's why it was so important to win the Carling Cup. We needed this cup to be able to believe in ourselves as a team. (Robin) Van Persie has won an FA Cup as I have, but there's no more. Nobody in the team has won anything. We are missing that ability to say: 'now I know what it is to win and I know what it takes to win'. That's what made the Arsenal team of 'The Invincibles' so strong, they knew how to win games, when to dig in, when to attack, they had a special intelligence to read games. Now we are very young."
Now I'm not going to say that what Cesc is saying isn't accurate. I'm just questioning whether it was the right thing to come out and say while he is still the Arsenal captain. He forgets to mention that, if it wasn't for Wenger's "Project Youth", he would never have got his big chance and would not be the player that he is today without Arsenal F.C. and its fans. As if those comments weren't enough of a slap in the face to Wenger, his team mates and the fans of Arsenal F.C., then spending the final day of the season in Barcelona (of all places!) at the Grand Prix was the icing on the bitter-tasting cake of his betrayal.
You really don't care about Arsenal anymore, do you Cesc? You've got Barcelona on the brain again. You forget that Arsenal and Arsène Wenger made you what you are today and you could easily stay for a couple of more years and go back home when you are 26 and Barcelona might actually need you. Barcelona don't need you, but we at Arsenal do and, if you leave us now, when we need you the most and Arsenal plunge down the Premier League table, many Arsenal fans will never ever forgive you for leaving. Call yourself a captain? A true captain either heroically steers his ship to safety or goes down with it. Motorsport is obviously more important to you than Arsenal is, so why oh why did you ever dare to kiss our beloved badge? How very painful for Wenger that his captain and poster-child for Project Youth is now deserting him when he truly needs him the most. Cheers, Cesc mate! F*** you very much, culo! By all means privately pressure the boss to sign international superstars, but I think that you are just doing your laundry in public to excuse your desire to return to the warm embrace of your idol Pep Guardiola and. if (as some people are suggesting) he ends up transferring to any other team than his much-beloved Barcelona, he will lose whatever shred of respect that he still has among the Arsenal faithful.
There was Wenger walking around with this great big knife sticking out of his back that Fabregas so unceremoniously plunged into it but did Denilson or Bendtner come to his aid and try to pull it out? Did they f***! They both decided that it was a good time to come out and publicly declare their desire to leave Arsenal!
Denilson said "and most of all the boss suffers it worst of all and that makes me sad, because he is a great man and a great manager." Denilson says Wenger has been brilliant in dealing with his desire to leave. "I went to see him and told him of my decision and he understood. "He says he will not stand in my way and, if the club receives a good offer for me, I can go. I was so relieved to hear that. I am very grateful. Not every manager would have been like Arsène Wenger, not every club would act like Arsenal. I know in a year's time I might regret it and be wishing I'd stayed. I may go somewhere and find it's just not the same. But my heart tells me I have to take that risk, I have to be honest with myself, be true to myself. I am a footballer and I want to play every week because I want the chance to play for Brazil. Look at Lucas at Liverpool. He's been playing regularly and he's in the Brazil team. That's where I want to be. I would love to be able to do that at Arsenal, but, based on how things have gone this season, I think it's time for a change. So I am flying home to Brazil on Sunday and I'm hoping I can make a fresh start in Spain or maybe Italy."
