Joe Fitzpatrick 
Alex Ferguson/Roberto Mancini/Andre Villas Boas/Kenny Dalglish walk into a designer shoe shop on Bond Street. They try on a pair of the most fashionable and expensive shoes in the shop and simply pay the exorbitant price that the shoes are listed at because the shoes are exactly what they want. The designer shoes tick all the right boxes and are the shoes that absolutely everybody wants to have because they are the best shoes made from the highest quality material that money can buy. The gentleman then says, "Thank you very much." Paying for the shoes on their platinum credit cards, they smile warmly at the attractive blonde sales assistant, who looks more like a model than a sales assistant, before going on about their daily business.
Sounds all very simple, doesn't it? Far too simple, in fact. To do things in such a fashion just would not be the Arsenal way now, would it? Let's take a look at how we all know (as Arsenal fans) it should be done then.
Arsene Wenger walks into a discount store (maybe Kroenke's father in law's very own Wal Mart?) He sees an item that takes his fancy. Let's say for the sake of argument that it's a new pair of shoes.
Arsene asks the spotty teenage shop assistant, "How much are these shoes?"
Shop assistant says, "£40 sir."
Arsene Wenger: "I will not pay your ridiculous over inflated price just because you can clearly see that my current shoes are old, battered and full of holes. I am not an idiot. I will give you £20 instead."
Shop assistant: "Sir, the stores prices are not negotiable. Our margins are already wafer thin. None of our other customers are complaining about our prices."
Arsene Wenger: "Ah! I believe that overall you are a very skilled young negotiator with unbelievable mental strength. I will give you £25 and my current shoes as part exchange. I'll have you know they once had the potential to be very good shoes."
Shop assistant: "Sir; your shoes are full of holes. They have no laces and you've clearly stepped in some dog's mess. The price is £40, take it or leave it"
Arsene Wenger "You must be joking! I cannot pay £40 for a pair of shoes! My current budget doesn't allow me to pay anywhere near that price for a pair of shoes. I've got a very expensive mortgage to pay off on a large property in Islington."
Shop assistant: "I understand that sir, but these are Italian leather shoes already discounted from £60 in our summer sale. May I enquire as to what you are willing to spend today?"
Arsene Wenger: "I suppose could go as far as £25.50.”
Shop assistant: "Well Sir, you are clearly in dire need of a pair of shoes, so for that kind of money I could maybe sell you a pair of our store brand trainers instead?"
Arsene Wenger: "Ok, you win! What a brilliant young negotiator you are! I could use someone with your raw potential and mental strength on my staff. How much are they paying you here?"
Shop assistant: "£6.30 an hour, Sir."
Arsene Wenger: "I'll double that if you come and work for me, son. Then when you've learned all you can from me you can just move on to bigger and better things and leave me in the lurch. Don't worry about hurting my feelings. I'm used to it now."
I know there is a long way to go in the transfer window, fellow Gooners. It hasn't even really started properly yet, but the names we are being linked with so far do not exactly have me pissing my pants with excitement. Am I alone? I think not.
Gervinho, Samba, Alvarez and Joey Barton might be decent players but they are not going to fix the problems that we have at the moment because they are not elite world class players. What we need are elite world class players whether we lose Fabregas, Nasri, or both of them. Even if we somehow manage to keep both of them we still are not going to win the league signing these second rate players that I've mentioned.
Consider the fact that Chelsea are rumoured to be thinking of offloading Didier Drogba. He would stroll into our first team, easily. Andre Villas Boas is rumoured to be pursuing Falcao from his old club Porto meaning that Drogba could be facing more time on the bench unless he forces a move elsewhere.
Manchester United have already signed Ashley "I'm an Arsenal fan" Young from Aston Villa meaning that either Nani or Valencia could be relegated to the substitutes bench. All three would walk into our first team.
