Fozzy 
Will somebody tell me what the f*** is going to happen when a random, good, honest pro clatters into the back of Percy and leaves him crocked for the rest of the season? Rockin’ Robin was the best outfield player on the park on Sunday by a country mile, and he ultimately proved the difference against Mrs Doubtfire’s relegation fodder.
I know all about the fact that a win is a win, but, goodness me, let’s not kid ourselves that everything in the garden is rosy again. This lot who turned up to play against us were useless, but we really struggled to beat them. We were simply dreadful in the last twenty minutes of the first half and it was only Chesney who kept us from going in a goal down at halftime.
We huffed and puffed in the second half without forcing their keeper into too much action, and their defence knew that they had the obnoxious Howard Webb to protect them when they systematically chopped down anyone in red whenever their goal was threatened. This leads me nicely on to our four free-kicks that were awarded to the Arse during the second half that I reckoned were all goal-scoring opportunities. The first was struck by Fatty Santos who had just come on for Gibbs (who is probably injured again for a few months). Why oh why let Fatty Santos take a free-kick when he barely had time to warm up? Anyway, the end-result sailed high over the bar, almost taking the head off some poor bloke in Block 10.
A short while later, we had another free-kick in almost the same spot. This time, Arteta tried his luck. There was nodding approval from amongst my neighbours who had seen Arteta regularly do the biz when he was a Scouser. On this occasion, the end-result sailed high over the bar and the poor bloke in Block 10 must have thought it wasn’t his lucky day. A short while later, we had another free-kick in exactly the same spot. Up stepped Wally, who was having a totally wretched game. More on him later. Wally let fly, and guess what, on this occasion, the end-result sailed high over the bar… I think at that moment the bloke on Block 10 must have felt like a coconut in a fairground.
Eight minutes from time, with the crowd becoming ever increasingly restless, we were awarded another free-kick just outside the box, but this time is was over on the right. Well you all know the rest. Percy, who was completely focused on the task in hand, wasn’t going to miss. I was standing next to Fozzy’s Mate (regular Online Gooner contributor), and he correctly called the goal as soon as the ball left Percy’s left foot.
Alas, the last eight minutes (plus a ridiculous amount of time added on – 5 minutes, where the hell did that come from?) were not good. We offered them countless opportunities to snatch a point at the death by our continuing fannying around. However, by then, Mrs Doubtfire had settled for a point as she had substituted anybody remotely useful up front who might have taken the offerings that came their way. And thank you, linesman, for correctly flagging an offside when they managed to put the ball into our net.
A moment of high comedy came when the lucky number was displayed on the screen which was 25,981. Some wag thought that was the attendance figure. Actually, that number was closer to reality than the official figure of 60,078 as there were empty seats in all areas.
My last two blogs have questioned Weng and “Sun Lounger” Rice’s managerial skills and coaching ability. It is obvious that neither exists any more. I shudder to think what goes on at London Colney. So here is my own potted version of what I would have liked to have told some of our players as they celebrated at the end of the match as if they had won something decent:
Chesney – that save was amazing. Just keep focused, as you will have a busy season with this lot playing in front of you;
Jenkinson – your defending and positioning were abysmal in the first half. However, your runs down the right wing and pin-point crosses in the second half were just what we needed. Plus the fact that you completely showed up Wally;
Big Friendly German – you must take command of your defence and impose yourself on the game;
One Song – on many occasion last season you thought you were Pele. We need to see more of that power;
Rosicky – lots of pretty turns and runs but still no end-product. Please don’t turn into Hleb;
Arteta – I haven’t seen much from you yet. You have the ability, so I don’t want to see you wandering around looking for a new syrup;
Gervinho – you are quickly turning into a Chamakh. Just what have Weng and Sun Lounger done to you?
Wally – Your performance today was abject. In fact, your performances all season have been abject. Where is The Ox when we need him?
Percy – the highest compliment that I can pay is that today you were Bergkamp-esque. You fought for everything and played a real captain’s innings. Please, oh please, keep safe, well and injury-free.
