Joe Fitzpatrick 
I know that each of you will have his own unique story to tell. This is one ordinary Gooner's story, in every gruesome little detail.
20:17 I'm only starting to write this now because I really wanted to believe that Arsenal were going to bring in at least one "top, top-quality player" before the transfer window shuts. I'm sure a lot of you are getting very, very nervous now, as am I. Every single one of us must surely agree that we need at least two players to even think about challenging for a Championship title-race played out over a 38-game season. There surely aren't any Gooners out there saying "We've got a fantastic squad! We're going to win the league! We don't need any more players to come in!" are there? If there are, then I envy the bliss that they find in their profound ignorance. I'm going to check Sky Sports now. Yes, I know that I am obsessed. At least I admit it. Not holding my breath, but fingers are well and truly crossed.
19:52 Chelsea say they are willing to let midfielder Michael Essien go out on loan - but not to London rivals, Arsenal. That is taken directly from the Sky Sports website. Why are we even going for Essien? He's about as fit as Ledley King! Surely we can do better than a washed-up Chelsea midfielder? Speaking of Chelsea, Falcao has just scored his hat-trick goal. He looks quite good. Maybe we should try to buy him. Ha ha! I'm off to phone Arsène and try to give him a juicy little transfer-tip in my best Terry Tibbs voice: "Arsène baby, do yourself a favour and bang your telly over to Channel Five! There's this gorgeous Portuguese guy who will make you forget all about those other boys who broke your sweet little heart! Thank you and good night, much love!"
20:41 I'm watching the highlights of Falcao's first-half performance against Chelsea and wondering how long it will be before we see a player like that in an Arsenal shirt again. Easily in the same class as van Persie. He is simply unplayable in this kind of form, top-class. Still not a sniff of Arsenal transfer action to report and I'm not a happy bunny at all. In my humble opinion, we need a goalkeeper, a versatile defender, a defensive or box-to-box midfielder and another goal-scorer to even dream about winning the title. How we haven't signed a single player so far today is beyond me. Fulham have signed Berbatov, Manchester City have signed Scott Sinclair and Tottenham have signed Hugo Lloris. Deals could have been done! I'm off to watch Chelsea get slaughtered to cheer myself up a bit. In the words of fellow Gooner, John Lydon, "Ever get the feeling that you've been cheated?" That season-ticket is looking really expensive now. My poor girlfriend is in for a season full of me coming home really, really p***ed off. I think I'm going to be single again by May if I don't begin learning some Tibetan meditation exercises immediately. Why, Arsenal? Why do you do this to me? Do you hate me personally?
21:03 Chelsea are still trailing by three goals to nil and I'm going to give the transfer news "one last check". Oh have a look! Chelsea are now losing by four and I am finding some kind of perverted solace in their humiliation!
21:09 I really hope that this isn't true - "20.51: The word on Clint Dempsey is that Liverpool offered Fulham £4m, had it refused, and won't go higher. Villa had a bid of £5m plus £2m add-ons accepted but the American did not fancy that switch", again taken directly from the Sky Sports website. No-one can tell me that we wouldn't be stronger with Berbatov, Moutinho, Lloris, Dempsey or Maicon in our squad. They look like they will have all moved clubs by tonight except for maybe Moutinho. Why weren't we in for any of those players?
This commentary on ITV is rubbish; I'm gonna put some music on instead. If I worked for ITV Sport I would do anything I could (within reason of course!) to sign up Andy Gray. Enough time has gone by now, hasn't it? Haven't we all suffered Andy Townshend enough? Just get Mr. Gray to do a sincere public apology live on air during his first show and he would be grand. People have come back from worse mistakes. Anyway we haven't signed anybody and I'm going to have a well-deserved smoke in the garden with the girlfriend because Chelsea have just pulled one back through Gary Cahill, who we should have f***ing signed f***ing ages ago! Hazard or Mata would have been nice too! I need to chill. Deep breaths. What would the Dalai Lama do in this situation? Ok. so I'm not quite there yet.... What would Bob Marley or Ozzy Osbourne do in this situation?
21:35 Chelsea nearly scored an own-goal through a panic-stricken David Luiz. I really hope that this bit of news from Sky Sports isn't true "21.29: Big news - Clint Dempsey is reportedly at Spurs Lodge". That has really upset me. Totttenham are at least trying to improve their squad. What are we doing? Resting on our laurels, that's what. I'm sure there's going to be a lot of "Spend some f***ing money" chants at the Grove this season when it has all gone horribly wrong. Tottenham will be finishing above us this season. Please prove me wrong, Arsenal, because I just can't stand the thought of us finishing below the Scum because we didn't spend a penny on transfers! We are in profit again! What the Hell is going on? Back to the garden for me. I need to calm down.
22:10 I'm feeling much more relaxed now. This piece of news is not as infuriating as it should be..."21:59 Dempsey has agreed personal terms with Spurs now so it looks like that one is a goer". Oh dear. I spent most of last season championing Dempsey and telling everyone how good he is. Too bad that I now have to (by Gooner law) hate him forever, as I was forced to do with David Ginola and Rafael van der Vaart even though I thought that they were excellent players before they signed for the vilest football club on earth.
22:18 it's official. "22:02 Dempsey is a Spurs player! He has joined on a three-year deal for £6m." Wow. That's ridiculous. Wow. £6m is a steal for Clint Dempsey. When Scott Parker returns, they are going to have a decent midfield. If they sign Moutinho, I am going to lock myself in the cupboard under the stairs listening to only David Bowie, Led Zeppelin, Tool and Pink Floyd on my overpriced headphones for a whole week. I have officially spent more money on headphones than Arsenal have spent on football players. How crazy is that?
23:55 not a sausage. We haven't signed anybody and it doesn't look like we will. I'm too mashed to even properly care anyway. I'm glad that I have a lot of other interests away from football, otherwise I'd be devastated. I can feel myself going into a shell-shocked state of realisation, soon to be followed by anger, denial, bargaining, grief and then trance-like acceptance.
A lot of difficult games ahead, and it's going to be a real struggle to make fourth place. Injuries and suspensions will expose the lack of depth in our squad. Will we spend in January? I very much doubt it. Is anyone out there seriously going to tell me that selling Alex Song and van Judas while allowing Theo Walcott to enter the final year of his contract was a good move? Why couldn't we do the same with van Persie? I'm sick of this now. Kroenke will never invest in us and I'm paying thousands of pounds to watch us sell our best players every single season. I must be a masochist. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me five times and I am the muggiest of all mugs. I off to listen to the Cure followed by some Adele. Each transfer-window that passes takes a piece of my soul with it.
