@wengerknowsbest
Well I hope you had little bit Merry Christmas and are ready to enjoy part two of my review of 2014. I believe part one showed exceptional potential.
Little bit like having to spend a whole day with your family on Christmas Day, part two of the year’s highlights is a small mix of the com-fort-able and the un-com-fort-able.
So sit back with some top top Quality Street and relive the second half of 2014, which includes our return to Wembley to pick up more little bit silverware*…
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JULY
Jul 2
"Ivan? Arsene. Tell Barca that once we minus what they owe on Fabregas, Song, Henry, Overmars & Petit, the fee for Sanchez is £4.67."
Jul 8
Are Juventus causing little bit shroud of uncertainty for us to sign Sanchez? I don't want to comment on the Turin Shroud.
Jul 10
We are delighted to announce that *undisclosed has joined this club for an *undisclosed fee. Right, I'm off to play beach volleyball.
Jul 10
Phil Thompson is very low tonight. He did not see that coming. He'd already announced that Liverpool had signed Alexis Sanchez.
Jul 15
Will Vermaelen join Man Utd? No. Would we consider maybe little bit player exchange deal? Yes. George Best, 1967.
Jul 16
Does my new Puma training top have super quality? Yes, of course. Does it look like a dinghy about to inflate? I don't know.
Jul 18
I must say, I am quite getting little bit hang of this transfer window business. I believe we should have one every year.
Jul 19
Is it little bit disappointing to miss out on Toni Kroos, to Real Madrid? No. We can sign him in a few years, when they get fed up with him.
Jul 19
Jenkinson has agreed a one-year loan to EastEnders, to play one of those extras who stands in The Vic & laughs little bit but never speaks.
Jul 19
We are delighted to announce that Arsenal Ladies have signed the US international star Dawn Oftheplanetoftheapes. Congratulations!
Jul 25
Will we sign the Colombian goalkeeper? I don't know. But Gazidis is little bit cricket fan and is keen for us to sign an Ospina.
Jul 27
New York Red Bulls 1 Arsenal 0 I can confirm the final score was New York Red Bulls "Getoutahere!" Arsenal "Forgeddaboutit!" Thank you for your interest in our affairs.
AUGUST
Aug 5
We were delighted to beat Benfica 5-1, but we accept that Tottenham beat Celtic 6-1. Is it a power shift? At the moment, no.
Aug 7
Are Juventus keeping tabs on Wilshere? I don't know. It would be little bit waste of time, I have already asked him to give up the tabs.
Aug 10
Arsenal 3 Man City 0 Little bit silverware again. I must say, I believe I might be getting little bit hang of this.
Aug 10
Did we go nine years without winning a major domestic trophy? Yes. Have we just won the last two? Yes.
Aug 16
"Arsène? Jose." "Morning Jose." "I sink you win the league." "Well errr, I'm not going to fall for that!" "No. Me neither." (Click)
Aug 22
We are ready for Everton, we are up for it. Last season was un-com-fort-able. They were sticky Toffees and we were the puddings.
Aug 26
Now that Giroud is injured, might we make little bit late attempt to sign Samuel Eto'o? I don't know'w.
Aug 27
Well I can tell you, Giroud's second scan has now confirmed everybody's worst fears. He has a small hairline fracture of the left quiff.
Aug 27
Arsenal 1 Besiktas 0 We are delighted to qualify for the Champions League 17 years in a row. Did Tottenham qualify one year in a row? I believe yes.
Aug 29
Are we in talks with Dortmund for Sokratis Papastathopoulos? No. But I accept the shirt sales would be super exceptional.
Aug 31
Leicester City 1 Arsenal 1 We are little bit low tonight. We did not see that coming. We thought Ulloa Ulloa was a TV comedy about the French Resistance.
Aug 31
I can absolutely assure you, we are active in the market. Very active. Super active. Top top active. Are we close to signing anybody? No.
SEPTEMBER
Sept 2
We are delighted to welcome Manchester United's versatile central defender striker full-back Danny Welbeck to this club.
Sept 2
Well I must tell you, personally I am delighted that the transfer window is now closed. It was starting to get little bit chilly.
Sept 11
"Arsène? Van Gaal." "Right." "I have a philosophy. And my philosophy is my philosophy. That is all." "I usually just say 'Judge me in May'."
Sept 12
Is it true that Harry Redknapp's favourite science fiction film is "The Day of the Triffics"? I don't know.
Sept 16
Borussia Dortmund 2 Arsenal 0 I feel tonight's defeat is little bit harsh. Apart from the goals, points, quality, attitude and performance, there was not a lot in it.
Sept 17
We are little bit low today. We did not see that coming. We thought Aubameyang was an Australian stick that returns to its thrower.
Sept 17
Was the difference last night that Dortmund have a striker that is Immobile and we have defenders that are immobile? I don't know.
Sept 19
Podolski is a doubt for Villa. He is alright physically, but his social media team is suffering from little bit iPhone 6 upgrade niggle.
Sept 23
Arsenal 1 Southampton 2 What you cannot fault is the spirit, attitude and performance of the players. Well you can, but I don't want you to.
Sept 24
3% in, £3m out. In out in out, shake it all about. Little bit advisory fee and turn around, that's what it's all about.
Sept 24
We are delighted to announce the signing of Josh Kroenke from Walmart for £3m.
Sept 29
I must say, Calum Chambers has an unbelievable engine. Does he have a top top handbrake? I don't know, I'm not a mechanic.
Sept 30
Galatasaray have top quality, we accept that. But Drogba left and Senderos plays for Villa now, so we should be alright.
OCTOBER
Oct 1
Arsenal 4 Galatasaray 1 I believe it is completely unacceptable that Galatasaray had flares on the pitch tonight. Even I haven't worn them since the 1970s.
Oct 4
Will I shake Mourinho's hand on Sunday? Yes. Will I then pull his arm sharply and knee him in the groin? I don't know about that.
Oct 5
Chelsea 2 Arsenal 0 Well yes, we are disappointed to lose 2-0 at Chelsea, of course. But on the plus side, we did 4-0 better than last season.
Oct 6
Do I regret my small push on Mourinho? No. I've been watching Strictly and thought he might like to start little bit quick Paso Doble.
Oct 8
Why does our thin, understaffed and imbalanced squad of delicate overworked players suffer so many injuries? I just don't know.
Oct 8
Can I put my finger on why we get so many injuries? Maybe yes. But only carefully, I don't want to get it hurt.
Oct 15
I believe it is completely unacceptable to say we don't have a Plan B. Has nobody seen our Plan A? It is absolutely exceptional.
Oct 16
"Arsène? Stan. I don't got to go to this AGM, do I?" "Well, yes." "Can I go in disguise?" "You could try little bit comedy moustache & wig."
Oct 16
We look forward to today's AGM. Will I answer un-com-fort-able questions? Yes, that is the FA Cup over there.
Oct 16
AGM in, AGM out. In out in out, shake it all about. Selfies, sign, hold babies and you turn around, that's what it's all about.
Oct 19
I accept the interview with Jacqui Oatley was maybe little bit un-com-fort-able, due to a small post-match red mist niggle.
Oct 22
Will you still need me, will you still pay me £8m a year, now I'm 65? Yes of course, I have a three-year contract.
Oct 22
Every summer we can rent a full-back or Ian Wright, if he's not too dear. We shall scrimp & save. Defenders on your knee. Gibbo, Per & Dave.
NOVEMBER
Nov 4
Are we in confidential talks with Walcott over a new contract? Yes. How is it going? I can't tell you, it's confidential.
Nov 4
Arsenal 3 Anderlecht 3 We started lacking little bit sharpness, then we lacked little bit com-fort, then little bit defending and basically little bit points.
Nov 9
Swansea 2 Arsenal 1 I believe we have to accept Angel Rangel was a delight and Jefferson MintAero was exceptionally bubbly.
Nov 10
Is Paul Merson right that I am "tactically clueless"? Absolutely no. Has he ever led 4-0 at Newcastle?
Nov 10
Could Jurgen Klopp do a better job than me? Look, he has not worked one day as a manager at this club.
Nov 12
"Morning Arsène. Sir Chips Keswick here." "Morning Chips." "Sorry to ask, do you have a plan for the team's current form?" "No." "Righto."
Nov 18
Is it true that Diaby is getting a new contract? I can tell you, yes, that's right. 4Gb of data every month, absolutely exceptional.
Nov 20
Is the fan belt marching about me before the Man Utd game? I believe yes. It is very kind, their support remains absolutely exceptional.
Nov 20
Are we close to a deal for a Chelsea goalkeeper? I don't know. I'd Petr Cech.
Nov 21
Did we almost sign Lionel Messi in 2003, when he was only 15? Yes, that is true. But I didn't want to kill Francis Jeffers.
Nov 22
Arsenal 1 Man Utd 2 Look, I believe we must take the positives from today's game. If Utd hadn't scored twice, we would have won 1-0.
Nov 25
I accept everybody has a right to an opinion. And everybody must accept I have a right to ignore theirs.
Nov 25
I respect Usmanov's proverb that 'even an old lady can have a roof fall on her'. But has she managed one day at the top top level?
Nov 25
We have our own little bit proverb in Alsace-Lorraine: "If at first you don't succeed, just mention top top quality and mental strength".
Nov 26
Arsenal 2 Borussia Dortmund 0 I told you Sanogo had top top top super exceptional outstanding exceptional quality. You don't listen.
Nov 29
I can tell you, there have been no enquiries for Podolski. Although I believe Facebook and Instagram might be interested.
DECEMBER
Dec 2
Southampton are stable at the back, Pellè is a stallion and they have a player called Mane. Basically, they are a horse.
Dec 3
Arsenal 1 Southampton 0 We had to work super hard tonight. Southampton's bus was well parked, yes, but once their ticket expired we had them clamped.
Dec 4
Do Stoke still play rugby? I don't know. I believe they have improved in the breakdown and are little bit more creative on the blindside.
Dec 4
What I can tell you is that Stoke are little bit less reliant with knock-ons from Crouch. Although they do miss Delap's line-outs.
Dec 5
We have now completed preparations for Stoke. I must tell you, Sanchez will show exceptional physical strength leading the Haka.
Dec 6
Stoke City 3 Arsenal 2 Overall I feel the surprise tactic to drop little bit physically from the start, rather than in the second half, might need little bit work.
Dec 8
To the person who shouted "For a cough!" at me at Stoke station, I'm not a doctor. I recommend you visit your local pharmacist.
Dec 10
Galatasaray 1 Arsenal 4 Is Ramsey's second goal at Galatasaray the best I have seen? I don't know. I once scored a tap-in for Mulhouse that was exceptional.
Dec 10
We are little bit disappointed not to win our group, but we don't mind who we get in the draw. As long as it's Monaco.
Dec 11
"Mr Kroenke? Good evening. Yes, Ramsey's 2nd goal! Aaron. AARON. No, Gordon is the chef. Quite alright….”
Dec 12
Am I playing mind games? Maybe yes. I'm playing games and you mind.
Dec 12
Coquelin, Coquelout. In out in out, shake it all about. Been recalled from Charlton & pretend you have a squad, that's what it's all about.
Dec 13
Arsenal 4 Newcastle 1 It showed top spirit for the fan belt to sing "One Arsene Wenger". I was already under little bit impression they feel one is quite enough.
Dec 15
Well, I must say, Monaco is an exceptional draw. I must go to Church little bit more often!
Dec 15
Is God an Arsenal supporter? I don't know. But Santa always wears his Arsenal kit.
Dec 21
We want to beat Liverpool, we are up for it. Would it be revenge, for losing 5-1 last season? No. That was just little bit banter.
Dec 21
Liverpool 2 Arsenal 2 We are frustrated only to draw. The handbrake stayed on maybe little bit too long. Although, I must say, Cazorla's engine was exceptional.
Dec 22
I can tell you, Gary Neville has not worked one day as a manager at the top level. Although I believe McDonald's are recruiting.
Dec 23
Look, Mertesacker did not duck at Anfield. Somebody shouted "He's behind you!" about Skrtel, but Per has little bit fear of pantomimes.
Dec 28
We are up for it at yer actual West Ham. If we do not keep our barnets on, we could end up in little bit right two and eight.
Dec 28
We accept Andy Carroll will be little bit handful. Personalistically, I believe he is due a strong run in the Grand National.
Dec 28
Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Little bit fun it is to see the Arsenal win away. Hey!
Dec 28
7 Danny Welbecks, 6 Santis Cazorling, 5 Bo-uld rings! 4 Remi Gardes, 3 Niall Quinns, 2 Perry Groves & Ray Parlour in a pear tree.
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Well thank you for your interest in my affairs in 2014. Overall, I believe we showed exceptional quality to win the FA Cup and the Community Shield. Can we now win the championship? Judge me in May. 2017.
*Little Bit Silverware, the top top book by @wengerknowsbest, is a comedy take on Arsenal’s 2013-14 season as it evolved. It is available to Gooner readers with 10% off the RRP of £9.99, so £9 with free P&P to UK addresses. Orders will need to be placed by calling GBS on 01206 256101, quoting the offer code LBS10.
