Ian Tanner
Some Gooners – I’ve no idea how many, and I wouldn’t Eden Hazard (geddit?) a guess – support our team like a rope supports a hanged man. We all know which particular man they’d like to see given the worst type of suspended sentence (geddit?). Love Arsenal, Loathe Arsene, perhaps. Any setback is an excuse to criticise, directly or indirectly, the man who can no longer do anything right. If the referee didn’t see fit to castigate Marko Arnautovic for the unnecessary and cynical push that helped Mathieu Debuchy on his journey to the advertising hoardings, why should we? The resultant dislocated shoulder is the fault of Arsenal’s medical team, or even the serial award-winning ground-staff, who, to use horse-racing parlance, produced a surface that was more Good-to-Firm than Good-to-Soft. And we also know under whose tutelage they perform their Dark Arts. It’s Arsene’s, innit!
For those whose glass is perennially half-empty at best, we scored one more goal at Middle Eastlands last season than our injury-ravaged side could muster this time. Not rising to my baiting, our Esteemed Ed was quick to point out that on Sunday we conceded six goal less, though he meant six fewer. Sarcasm aside, this (so far) mini-run of clean-sheet victories poses more questions than it answers. Welbeck, Debuchy, Arteta and Wilshere were all absent, Walcott and Ozil took no part, and Gibbs didn’t start. How many other teams, including those artificially financially enhanced by egotistical benefactors, could produce THAT performance and result under such circumstances? Will France’s first-choice right-back regain his club place in three months’ time (since starring in Hector’s House, Bellerin has given opponents and team-mates alike a run for their money), or will Mathieu D be merely first-choice cover for both the RB and CB positions if Arsene doesn’t splash the cash this month? How can Francis Coquelin be dropped for Mathieu F short-term, Arteta once fit, or that un-named, all-singing, all-dancing, £30m-rated holding midfielder that you are desperate we sign? Will Szczesny be our FA Cup goalie at Brighton? And what’s our strongest starting XI if – and, yes, I know it’s a very big IF – everyone is fit?
Only after Arsene has retired and published his memoires will we know which club and national jobs he eschewed to stick with Arsenal. His loyalty to us remains unwavering; it’s the least we can do to reciprocate.
