Ian Tanner
I abhor name-dropping. That said, I once met, serendipitously, the screenwriter John Logan whilst on holiday; our two small parties spent several days’ quality time together. Discussing Gladiator, which he co-wrote, I asked did he write the timeless words uttered by Russell Crowe: “At my signal, unleash Hell”?
“Nooooo”, he lamented, “Russell came up with that himself on-set! It’s one of those lines that you wish you’d thought of”. It’s too late now, of course, but I wish I’d asked John (Mr Logan to you) whether he’d penned: “Are you not entertained?... Are you not entertained? … Is this not why you were here?” Those words, too, were spoken by Russell Crowe’s character, Maximus Decimus Meridius, who, as you may remember, was also known as “The Spaniard”.
Saturday lunchtime, Arsene told another Spaniard, Hector Bellerin, whom he’d first unleashed on Hull (geddit?) at THOF last October, and as featured in Hector’s House: “On Anthony Taylor’s first whistle, unleash Hell”. Hector and ten other gladiators (including two further Spaniards), duly darted into the foe (unlike a constipated baker – geddit?), swarming all over the Scouse Scallies before they knew what had hit them. The only thing missing, predictably, was Arsene, forever dignified, giving it large – the very antithesis of Pardewesque - at Anthony Taylor’s final whistle, itself greeted with rapturous applause: “Are you not entertained?... Are you not entertained? … Is this not why you were here?”
For most of us, it’s precisely why we were there. But, reading after the game Issue 248 of The Gooner (yes, I know I’m two laps behind), it was clear from the Editorial that some supporters would have had mixed emotions as Liverpool’s supposed parsimony on their travels was blown away in eight breathless, first-half minutes, each goal arguably even better than the one before. Lest we forget, Liverpool were chasing a record-breaking seventh consecutive Premier League clean sheet away from home.
Take a look at Adrian Clarke’s “The Breakdown” on the Arsenal website after the 2-0 victory over Everton in March. The Average Position diagram (4 minutes 18 seconds in!) shows our Number 39 on the half-way line, miles ahead of the rest of the back four (which included Kieran Gibbs, who is never backward in going forward), and also advanced of Coquelin and even Cazorla. Our BFG remarked recently that Bellerin gives us another dimension. As I’ve said before, Debuchy won’t regain his place.
Adrian Clarke (again) filled in the last of the season’s seemingly interminable international breaks with The Breakdown: Squad strength special. There are battles aplenty all over the pitch; it’s not just at right-back that two or more high-quality options now exist, or will do once the squad is Ian Dury-free.
Given that this is Christianity’s most holy time of year, I’ll end by adapting some words purportedly spoken by Christians’ saviour God, who had been betrayed: “Arsene, forgive them, for they know not what they do”.
Keep the faith.
