Toronto’s Ali K 
If Don Quixote and Dr. Frankenstein had a lovechild he would be the Arsene Wenger of the past ten years.
In public his demeanour is more like Don Quixote. He is a French chevalier that, with his subservient and quite squire Steve Bould, is on a mission to bring the giants of the new world to their knees and slay the windmills of sugar daddies that have taken over the Premier League. He has taken on a quest to prove his love for his fairest lady, Stan of the Yank.
He tells stories of his braveries in the war of 400-signings. He cautions the fans of the evils of buying expensive players and warns them that without him the servants of the castle would have been homeless and hungry, all 600 of them.
He accuses the fans of crushing the fragile and delicate mental strength of his players and accuses the media of provoking the fans’ uprising.
And while all this happens Steve Bould rides his donkey behind his master and keeps his mouth shut. Steve knows recently he has been hardly reminiscent of the passionate legend once he was.
Behind the closed doors though, Wenger turns into Dr. Frankenstein. He tries to build a team from the scraps, bits and pieces he found in the bargain basket at the Dollar Store.
He knows he bought way too many spicy technical number 10s in the last few years but he smiles and tells himself “eh look, it’s ok …I’ve been very disciplined on that front in the last 10 years. Besides…it was my cheat day”.
And it continues. Like an alchemist he comes up with new formulas in pursuit of the impossible. He plays Sanchez up front; hasn’t decided whether Theo is a winger or a striker, and Chambers’ fate is determined by the flip of a coin; it could be right back, centre back or midfield …who knows?
After a few good results he screams “it’s alive”, soon to realize that it’s that time of the season when arms and legs of his beloved monster start to come off.
While working on his monster he asks Steve, his assistant: “Steve, doesn’t Aaron look like a little bit of a new signing with his new hair?” Steve without paying attention says “Yes, master!” as he watches the fans gradually gathering outside the castle with torches in their hands to bring Arsene’s misunderstood monster down.
Meanwhile, other clubs have accepted that the world has changed after the new TV deal broke the floodgates of the English Premier League. They have moved on. But he is still in denial. He fantasizes about a world where he could sign a Thierry Henry for a minimal fee. In his fantasies it’s still the 1990’s.
Twitter@TorontoAliK
