Kevin Whitcher
Ed’s note – I am abroad currently with no guarantees of catching any Arsenal matches due to uncertainty of access to either a TV broadcast or internet signal. So until the League Cup game v Norwich, I’m being covered by some Gooner contributors for the match editorials. My thanks to Sean Marland for writing up yesterday’s game against Everton. By the way, I won’t be able to fulfil any orders via the Gooner store until Wednesday 25th October – so by all means feel free to order, but please bear with me.
In a previous life, a lunchtime kick off at Everton meant an early start at Euston and a carrier bag of Stella, but that was before the arrival of my daughter. Since she was born in January, I've learned to pick my battles carefully when it comes to Arsenal.
A trip to Goodison is usually good fun and we’ve had some great days there in recent years, yet with a cheeky trip to Koln on the horizon I decided to keep my powder dry and sit this one out on the sofa. So rather than singing songs about the size of Wayne Rooney’s waistline and his hilarious private life (or for those reading in Poland, looking at the odds on the kod betclic website), I was left holding the baby while my better half went to the shops.
With Peppa Pig on the TV and Arsenal on the laptop, I was full of hope as the match began. Everton were in a dire run of form and just a few days before, a disaffected fan had swung for an opposition player while holding his own child during a Europa League match. As someone who struggles to unlock the car whilst holding a baby, a part of me couldn’t help but be impressed by this thug’s ability to multi-task.
Arsenal started the match well and had soon carved the scousers open on a couple of occasions, with Pickford making fine saves from Lacazette and Ramsey. Yet at that moment my phone began lighting up with Whatsapp messages cursing the ‘fat granny shagger’. Realising that my stream was slower that Per Mertesacker, it was with a sense of dread and resignation that I understood what I was about to witness. Xhaka may well have been fouled in the build up to Rooney’s goal, but his lack of urgency around our own penalty area is criminal. I like the way he passes the ball, yet he needs some serious coaching before he’s capable of holding a midfield.
My 10 month old was obviously very disappointed by Xhaka’s attitude and had an almighty meltdown soon after we conceded, although this might have been down to my response to the Everton goal, which could probably have been described as ‘colourful’. Luckily, I was able to bribe her with a strawberry yogurt and by the time I’d settled her down we were all over them again. Nacho stabbed home a deserved equalizer just before half-time and my relief was such that I couldn’t contain my joy. More strawberry yogurt.
Over the last six months I’ve realised that raising a child and being an Arsenal fan have a lot in common. They are both chastening and expensive pastimes, which often leave you wondering why you bother. Yet amid the tragic defending and vomit, there are moments of sheer joy that other people will never understand.
In the second half, Arsenal wasted absolutely no time in putting a very sorry Everton to the sword. After having our ‘cojones’ called into question at Watford the week before, it was great to see the boys playing so fluidly, but while they deserve credit for the performance, our opponent’s incompetence was staggering.
Everton played like a group of p*ssed gypsies and were devoid of any kind of organisation or discipline. Indeed they were so poor that Ozil even managed to score a header (!!) and with the freedom of Goodison at his disposal, the German had his best game for months. Lacazette swept in the third and would probably have had more difficulty scoring against his kids in the back garden. Ramsey added a fourth and Sanchez plundered a fifth in injury time.
If it hadn’t been for Jordan Pickford, we could have hit double figures for he was busier than he'd ever been while playing for Sunderland. Not even a ridiculous mix-up between Cech and Monreal that led to a late consolation goal for Everton could take the gloss off a fine win and seeing Jack Wilshere come on with a few minutes to go was the icing on the cake. His arrival saw the biggest cheer of the day from the travelling Gooners; let’s hope he can stay fit and fill the void left by Cazorla over the next few months. As for Ronald Koeman – who will almost certainly be out of a job by the time you read this – I'd imagine David Platt had a chuckle to himself when he saw the score.
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