Is Hleb staying or going? Does anyone know? More to the point, is anyone particularly bothered?

He’s obviously had a great season, and no-one in their right mind would want to lose a player who’s been outstanding all year, but if we were to get a good price for him (a big if, these days), am I the only one who thinks it might not be a bad bit of business?

First things first. Where exactly do you play him, without completely unbalancing the side? On the right wing? When Walcott comes on, you immediately notice the difference. He’s got the pace and skill to get behind players. Does Hleb turn defenders and cross the ball? Not really. That’s not his game. If there’s one area of the field where United always outshine us, it’s down the flanks. In tight games that makes all the difference. Our wing play is crap in comparison.

OK, put him on the left. Obviously, the idea being that he cuts in onto his right in the same way Overmars, Sir Bob and Perry Groves (!) used to, but that doesn’t quite happen, does it? Once he’s decided he’s not quick enough or left footed enough to get past the right back, the ball just gets played out and around the top of the box again. We hardly ever attack down that side. Why do we limit ourselves? The left wing position has become Arsenal’s dumping ground for anyone who’s too good to be left out, but doesn’t quite fit in anywhere else. That has got to change.

Centre midfield? What, in place of Cesc? You must be joking. Alongside him? Sorry again, he doesn’t tackle or head the ball.

Alright, play him up front. His finishing has improved from woeful to OK, but even now he’s not going to get a shed-load of goals, which puts enormous pressure on Adebayor. Wouldn’t you rather have an out and out goalscorer, instead?

Consider for a while, where the team have fallen short this year. Those neat little one twos around the edge of the box are pleasing to the eye, but the problem is that even crappy teams like Birmingham and Wigan, have learnt how to defend against it. As skilful as we are, we’ve become much too predictable. Of course, that’s not Hleb’s fault, but in a team that likes to over-elaborate, doesn’t it need a player who offers something different?

Having said all that, he is a wonderful player. The way he keeps the ball in tight spaces is quite magical. Almost like a right footed Liam Brady. I could quite happily watch him all day.

Indispensable? I’m not sure about that.

Ed’s note, yesterday, the author of this piece sent a postscript…

Having given Hleb the benefit of a small amount of doubt, am I allowed to now take even that back? According to his agent today, he wants to leave Arsenal because he finds London too noisy for a country boy like himself. Correct me if I’m wrong, but don’t most of the Arsenal players live in the stockbroker belt of leafy Hertfordshire? It must be murder getting a good night’s sleep in the busy hubub that is Totteridge or St Albans. I can see where he’s coming from on that one. Of course you’re bound to get a lot more peace and quiet in the tranquil backwater of Milan. Also, apparently, all his mates are in Stuttgart. Ah, bless! His agent needs to explain where Italy is and that there are these inconvenient lumps of rock in the way called the Alps.

Sorry Alex, my droog, you’re full of sh*t. If you’re going to take the money, just do it and p*ss off, eh?