Agh. Complete and utter heartbreak.

It was always going to be tough, and in the end it was one step too far for us. With so much riding on the game, the youth of the team really showed, and we got battered. It was all too much for them.

As I’ve said before, Champions League this year would always have been skipping a step in the project. We need to rebuild and improve mercilessly again. We’ll be fine, we’re working towards something, and this year was just too soon for us. 

It’s a long old journey up here. We left a sunny London with a raft of Arsenal fans on the 1 o’clock to Newcastle. Three hours to think it all over, and no conclusion I came to resulted in an Arsenal win. I had no faith, genuinely. It sounds bad to say, but you could tell that the emotion would be too much for the youngest squad in the league.

When we arrived, the pub across from the station was already teeming with Arsenal fans in full voice, and clearly holding much more hope than me. 

We got to our hotel with about three hours to kill, and the bar was already unbearably packed with Newcastle fans. We found a table, got some food to calm the nerves, and ignored the ‘Monday special’ at the hotel which was genuinely just ‘A pint of Carling’. Very Northern. 

I still think the worst part of the day was the climb up to the away end. No one should be made to do that. At least we were all handed a free drink token on the way up to thank us for our support this season. I used it on a bottle of water. 

St James’ Park really is an incredible stadium. The atmosphere is immense, and you could again tell 10 minutes before kick off that (with the pressure on too) this was going to be an unbelievably tough task for the Gunners.

Our fans were in good voice, but being way up in the clouds and it was really hard to transmit any kind of support to the players, especially with the Geordies in full voice. 

The game, really and truly, was up after that first ten minutes. We were woeful. Passive in key areas, and not brave enough in key moments. We were dominated in midfield, and we didn’t really get out of our own half. 0-0 at HT was sort of a miracle.

We were better in the second half, but still we lacked intensity, and we couldn’t handle theirs. Our midfield didn’t show for the ball enough, and too often players made rash decisions when under pressure. It’s games like this where you need calm, older heads. You’d usually look to one of the CBs, or the Keeper but with all 3 of them 23 or below it’s no good. Our older head (Xhaka) is also arguably one of our least calm which doesn’t help.

We had a good two or three minute spell which brought our crowd into the game, but soon after, Joelinton broke all too easily down our right-hand side for Ben White to turn home his dangerous cross. A dagger to the hearts of the travelling faithful. We knew the game was done once and for all then and there, and to be honest it looked like the players did too.

Having come from behind only twice this season, it seemed extremely unlikely that our rattled youngsters would pluck the courage to do so again in front of a rocking St James’ Park. We pushed up the field more, but to no avail. Chances were at a premium, and our completely makeshift formation as we threw all caution to the wind meant we looked more likely to concede another than to score.

With five minutes to go, Guimaraes all but ended Arsenal’s Champions League hopes. Wilson was played through, and despite Ramsdale’s sprawling save the ball fell to Bruno who tucked home. Poetic really that a player, available in January, who would’ve no doubt strengthened Arsenal’s squad was the one to put the final nail in the coffin. 

That was the most genuinely upset I’ve seen an Arsenal end in a while. Complete heartbreak, having come so close, and for it to happen 300 miles from home makes it that little bit harder to swallow. Heads in hands as we made the walk out onto the rain sodden concourse.

Barring an absolutely miracle at Carrow Road, Arsenal must accept Europa League football once more. Having come so close, and to lose it to them, it’s really gutting - but at the end of the day it was a goal that almost no Arsenal fan dreamed of at the start of the season.

As hard as it is to accept now, this team has improved unimaginably, and for the first time in years we have a sense of direction.

This season has brought back hope, pain, and a sense of importance to Arsenal’s games that for so long we have been lacking. To end with this level of pain is awful, but in a paradoxical sense it’s this pain that we have been missing. The pain of caring again, and hoping again. Pain that must be endured before eventual joy.

Let’s all enjoy Sunday now, and at least take some pleasure in the fact that we don’t have to feel so sick with nerves again.

It’s been an absolute pleasure, travelling Gooners - and, albeit less often, I hope to see you all again next year. Until Sunday…