It would appear that the renowned purveyor of quality football, guardian of truth and friend of Sam Allardyce that is Phil Brown has now decided that it would be demeaning for him to bring to the attention of the FA something which only he has seen and for which he has no video or other impartial evidence. Quelle surprise. However, according to the BBC he is going to raise with the League Managers Association ("oh no, not the comfy chair") that:

1. Fabregas was on the pitch after the game. According to the BBC Brown said, "whether there is a ruling against that I have no idea but he had no right to be there". Answer your own question, why don't you, you moron.

2. Fabregas was, and again I'm quoting directly, "dressed in the manner in which he was dressed". Your guess is as good as mine...

3. Again quoting, "the pictures in the national papers verify the aggression he was showing towards players and staff after the game". Oh no, I've never seen that happen before. Call out the army and declare a state of emergency.

Thankfully, having by now made a complete arse of himself, he managed to follow up with the laughable "I could go on but I'm not one for crying over spilt milk. I'm not going to report it, I'm not going tittle-tattling to the FA". At this point I had to check that today wasn't April 1st.

I have though managed to gain access to a copy of a note found in the Hull dressing room after the game, purporting to be written by a P. Brown. I can confirm that it was written in yellow crayon so it must be genuine.

Charges I can bring against Cesc Fabregas to The FA, LMA, International Court of Human Rights, Starfleet Command and my mum
1. Cesc Fabregas looked at me in a funny way
2. His dad smells (I bet)
3. He was smoking round the back of bikesheds after the match.
4. Er, that's it