Arsene Wenger will, to everyone's amazement, field a large number of youths in our League Cup games. They will be hailed as the future of Arsenal.

A major football club will go into liquidation during the course of the 2009-10 season.

The major club going into liquidation in the coming season won't be Arsenal.

The Arsenal board, AST, financial papers, pundits, business press and twats like Piers Morgan will say all say 'told you so'. As will any number of message boards. Pictures of fans crying outside the ground will fill the papers.

Arsenal will have a player sent off for no reason other than the referee being a total twat. Wenger will probably wave his arms about at this point and the crowd will chant 'You don't know what you're doing'.

Steve Bennett will also send someone off. Not the right player of course, but then we are talking about Steve Bennett after all.

As will Howard Webb send someone off. It will be at one of the few grounds where the home fans do not already hate his detestable guts. If you think really hard you may even guess which one.

Nicky Butt will be voted 'Football Has Been of the Year' in a brand new football magazine.

A blue-nosed Jock will wind up the Liverpool manager for no reason other than keeping in practice.

Mark Lawrenson will talk out of his arse on a sentence by sentence basis throughout the entire season. He may even also predict that Liverpool will win something or other, probably the other.

There will be a long and disorderly queue of clubs seeking to loan pretty well every one of Arsenal's youth players and reserves.

There will be an unexpected and controversial sale of Arsenal shares. Most fans won't give a f*** but some will be predicting doom and gloom.

Craig Bellamy will not complete a full season due to either injury or an overload of tattoos.

Arsene will not see the crucial and controversial incident that will appear on Sky Sports TV about fifty times a day. Comment will be made about Arsene's contact lenses.

Iain Dowie will remain even uglier than Susan Boyle. Just. But it is very doubtful if he'll still be working in the north-east by the end of the season. Or even the start of the season if the Toon get sold to some mug multimillionaire purchaser.

The top of Kolo Toure's ears will still be very flat at the start of the new season. What weight he'll be is less predictable.

Football punditry will sink to new levels of inane banter and burbling. It's not clear why, but just maybe we'll see more of Teddy Sheringham in the coming season.

ITV football coverage will be moaned about all season long. Given that Brian Moore was their last decent commentator this is hardly surprising is it?

A studious looking Arsenal club representative will in a press conference at some point say 'I thought we looked a bit tired'. He will also be heard to mutter something about rotation for an upcoming cup game.