I suppose if you don’t put out your best side, you shouldn’t be awfully surprised when you don’t win. I’m old enough to remember when the FA Cup was something you dreamed about all season. Now it’s all about earning money in Europe instead. Another little bit of soul goes out of the game.

I can quite see the virtue in giving youth its opportunity. But why can’t we at least give the kids a chance of success by playing them in their normal positions? Jay Emmanuel-Thomas centre forward? Francis Coquelin right back? What exactly is the point of that? Imagine it from their angle for a minute. They spend the entire season working at their game, trying to catch Wenger’s eye, and when they finally get the big chance, it’s doing something they haven’t been properly prepared for. “Where would you like me to stand, boss?”

When they inevitably fail, what exactly does that prove or achieve?

The manager still labours under the impression that you can play almost anyone at full back, and nobody is going to notice. Is it any wonder we let in so many goals from crosses? Traore might well end up a fairly useful winger one day, but he has absolutely no positional sense whatsoever. I wonder if he’s drilled day in day out in the same way Dixon and Winterburn were. Players need to have certain aspects of the game drummed into them. How else are they going to improve?

The boss has also recently got the idea in his head that almost anybody can play centre forward. This is even more dangerous thinking. If ever there was a position that needed someone who knew exactly what they were doing then that is it. Scoring goals is the most difficult and important thing a team has to do. We’ve got out of jail on other occasions because we’ve got players who can chip in, but I’m still not convinced. Just imagine what sort of side we would be if we had Nicolas Anelka playing for us. We’d have been over the hill and far away by now. Sticking just about anyone up front can’t be the answer, even if I knew what the question was. Eduardo? Vela? A pair of Latino Charlie Nicholas clones. Nice feet, will always score goals against crap opposition once the game has been won, but otherwise too slow and no physical presence. Too tentative by far. If Bendtner is the solution, then why does Wenger insist on playing him on the wing? Hardly a ringing endorsement.

While we’re on the subject of slow, I think our old friend Denilson needs a special mention. Last week he got into a challenge about a half an hour late and gave away a penalty. This week he was tracking back (I use that term loosely) for the second goal and having decided he was never going to get within 10 feet of their bloke, promptly gave up. I’ve seen middle aged joggers move quicker round Clissold Park.

Yeah, but he’s got a good shot.
He’s slow.
Yeah, but his stats for completed passes is really good.
He’s slow.
Yeah, but he’s like an invisible wall. An unsung hero.
He’s slow.

Slow, slow, slow. Does it matter? Well yeah, because when he gets up against someone who gets about the park and can do it quickly, he’s virtually out of the game. Not exactly what you want from someone’s whose job it is to defend midfield. I have this abiding memory last season of Ryan Giggs, who is old enough to be his dad, completely running his legs off.

On a final note, this continual wiping of the ball with a towel whenever Delap winds up for a throw. Is that within the laws of the game? Surely not. I can’t ever remember seeing that before. It just doesn’t look right somehow. The purpose of a throw in is to restart play, not to be a pause in proceedings while everyone prepares for a set piece. Bearing in mind the Stoke motto seems to be, “Seek to Gain an Advantage at all Costs”, I’m surprised he doesn’t wear special pimpled gloves expressly for the purpose. Does that mean if you’re about to take a free kick, then it’s perfectly OK to polish one side of the ball and then smear mud on the other to make it swing in the air? And what happens if we have in our squad a long throw specialist as well? Will Stoke City Football Club provide a couple of girls with a towel at our end to do the same? No I didn’t think so. Perhaps we’d have to provide our own. Yeah, I can just see them allowing that. “Health and Safety, mate. The insurance company won’t allow it.” Therefore it has to be unfair and totally outside the spirit/laws of the game.

I’m sure the FA have noticed and will do what’s best.