Like a dog that won’t let go of a bone, my chums from Arsenal TV Online have been back in touch requesting some free publicity. As if this isn’t already reaching the target market. Maybe they think people don’t read the official site, although I could also swear I’ve also seen this plugged by email, so there’s pretty much no escape. Still – as I know PR is not the most entertaining of online reads, I am going to try and spruce this up with something alternative in… well, alternative paragraphs.

Let’s start with the reason we’re here – basically, visit Arsenal TV Online on Friday evening between 7 and 10 and you can enjoy their weekly shows – previewing the weekend’s match for the most part – gratis, free, no charge.

Right, now to make merry in a non-PR paragraph, but you know what, I’m going to keep it on theme. People at Arsenal – we need some glamour on the channel to keep me tuning in. I loved Italian football before Laura Esposto started analysing the games, but I found myself tuning into matches I wouldn’t normally have given the time of day on Sunday afternoons in 2007-08 to hear a heavyweight football authority’s words of wisdom. For those who miss her, here she is with her thoughts on the recent John Terry/Wayne Bridge shenanigans. Maybe in Italian, but you can more or less work out the gist of it.

Back to the plot. As an incentive to run this here plug, ATVO have offered a free subscription to their channel for us to run a competition for one lucky reader to save themselves £3.99 a month for the foreseeable future. So to have a chance of winning, answer this question correctly – Which bunch of muppets does the fool who co-hosted Football Italia with Laura support? – and send your answer to [email protected]
You have until the end of the coming weekend, and I’ll try to remember to announce the winner on Monday.

Okay, think that’s covered everything on the plug front, so back to the interesting stuff. If Laura’s unavailable, then how about some alternative glamour? Pamela Anderson’s flogging herself for a packet of crisps these days. I’d tune in for the ditzy blonde, even if I’m the first to admit she’s seen better days. Hell, if Arsenal’s millions aren’t going to be used to buy any players, how about spending it on getting Halle Berry to sit in for Tom Watt once a month? The lines would be jammed – by me on about three different phones trying to get through for one. We are talking viewing figures, subscriptions. You want someone more associated with football in this country? I reckon that Vanessa Perroncel probably has a sexy accent…