In the 1930s and 1940s, Phyllis Dixey was a "stage artist", of whom it was said "seldom have so many paid so much to see so little", suggesting that there was more "tease" than "strip" to her, er… performances. Those of us attending Saturday's end-of-season fare had good cause to remember her unfulfilled promises to get her kit off. According to MOTD stats, Citeh achieved a "Nelson": 1 corner, 1 shot off target, 1 shot on target. I cannot remember the latter, so perhaps I'd already nodded off. Citeh's owners must be wondering how many more gazillions they'll need to "spend, spend, spend" to even get close to the world domination that's been arrogantly predicted from within. Some years ago a group of Japanese thought they'd bought Tower Bridge; maybe these more-money-than-sense merchants thought they'd bought United, not City.

It was lovely to see again PV4 (now PV24), albeit briefly, although it must be said he is a shadow of his former self. Arsene was surely right not to re-sign him when speculation was rife. The only reason Barndoor prepared for his own entrance with cheers ringing in his ears was because of the impending exit of this Gooner legend that he was replacing. As others have already noted, he looked ridiculous, frankly; my god-daughter may look cute in ponytails, he most certainly does not. Call me biased.

The battle for fourth is a fascinating tussle, with Villa and the Spuds both visiting Eastlands in May. Obviously we Gooners all want Villa by a process of elimination, but only the few who think with their heads rather than their hearts will be supporting [not quite the word I was after, but you know what I mean] the Spuds on 5th May. Of course one does not relish the prospect of Sp*rs playing in the Champions League (qualifying round), but if Citeh prevail, they'll be able to attract more world class mercenaries to their cause this summer and beyond, to the obvious detriment of Arsenal. Be careful what you wish for, fellow Gooners. By the way, Liverpool fans face a quandary next weekend. They must beat Chelski to maintain even the faintest of hopes of retaining CL status but to take anything from the game will virtually hand their hated Manc rivals their 19th domestic title, eclipsing Liverpool's own long-held record. Oh!, the angst of it all.

Even though Fabianski was under-employed, one still felt nervous when he was asked to clear a back pass. Szczesny's promotion cannot come soon enough, as I keep boring anyone who will listen (as well as those who won't). So it was encouraging to read an Arsene piece on the official website late last week wherein he stated that the younger of the two Poles - by exactly five years to the day, please note - will be his long-term number one. If you've been paying attention you'll also have gleaned that Arsene has also dropped huge clues that he will extend his contract beyond next summer.

And finally, as they used to say at the end of That's Life... 'Er Indoors did the Marathon yesterday. She proudly showed me her medal, which states it was the 30th Anniversary of the Event. Loads of Ballacks. It was the 30th running, the first being in 1981. Such people probably also celebrated Millennium Year 12 months too early in 2000, rather than the correct 2001.