Could one of Sky Sports bet / Paddy Power bet / 888 / Victor Chandler / Betfair etc give me some odds on the following, because…

I'd like to bet in the coming season:
That the Sky fixtures will take no heed of ludicrous journey times for supporters.
That the Merse will stumble over his words on Soccer Saturday.
That many Arsenal fans will continue to arrive late and leave early.
That there is many a confused 'We're the North Bank' 'We're the Clock End' chant this season from all parts of the ground.
That Arsenal's Club Level will often resemble the 'Marie Celeste'.

That Tommo backs Liverpool no matter what on Soccer Saturday.
That the son of the twitcher man will talk out of his arse.
That Andy Gray will claim that an elbow in the head was the result of some clown using his arms for leverage.
That Harry twitches in an interview, in the dugout and walking to the dugout.
That Fergusmoan will be pictured pointing to his watch in the 90th minute or later.

That we'll see an Italian in Manchester wearing a pale blue and white scarf.
That the Beeb team of Linaeker, Lawro and Hansen will be as tedious, predictable and boring as ever.
That a referee will cheat Arsenal out of all three points.
That it'll probably be Howard Webb who will continue to be pants again this coming season.

That a pocket of Arsenal loons will slag off one of their own players.
That Tony Pubis and his team will still throw the towel in.
That Allardyce will continue to play detestable football.
That Fulham will lose their image as a friendly Club thanks to Mark Hughes.