One of the more onerous demands of being Arsenal manager is to read out, on the big screen, very slowly, the winning 5-digit programme number and repeat said task for the benefit of the educationally subnormal Gooner contigent. From memory, the lucky number that won Saturday’s match ball was 3-0-7-0-9. That’s 3-0-7-0-9. Congratulations to Theo, who must have got very lucky; I read somewhere that he took home the prize!

As I’m something of a tight Arse, and because I don’t want a flat full of clutter, I limit my purchases of said programme to 3 or 4 per season. The first and last home matches are always bought, the first primarily for the fixture list (as it then stands) and the last for all the season’s statistics. And, at £3, it is excellent value considering what that once mammoth sum normally buys these days. But they’ve been remiss with the fixture times. “All weekend matches start at 3pm”, says a footnote. “Very few weekend matches start at 3pm” would be more accurate. And the away game at Sunderland is apparently being played at 3pm on Sunday 18th September, not 5.30pm on Saturday 18th September, as I’d stupidly written in my pocket diary. Your mission, Arsenal FC, should you choose to accept, is to get the f*****g fixture list sorted before the visit of Kevin Davies and his fellow thugs in 18 days’ time. Time enough.

The Highbury Spy was in fine form in the season’s first edition of The Gooner, I noted on my journey home. A summer of pent up frustration was unleashed but it was good to read the balanced, reasoned critique of Theo’s many failings having just witnessed his latest inept display. Was Theo also unleashing some pent up frustration? If so, please, Theo, may we have some more? And someone, please, tell Mr H. Spy that our number 19’s surname is Wilshere, not Wilshire.

Were you pleased with the goings on at Craven Cottage on Sunday? The result we could cheer but it was basically, depressingly, business as usual, which is perhaps why MOTD2 did not analyse either of the highly contentious penalty decisions. They’d not want to offend Surly ahead of the Premier League’s pending “review” of his non-interviews with Auntie Beeb these last six years. Presumably the PL has been painstakingly building a watertight case and are about to read him the Riot Act! But I digress…

We all know that pulling and pushing often goes undetected and / or unpunished at set pieces, but when it’s a 1 v 1 such as Vidic’s blatant shirt pulling the situation changes. Not since Adebayor’s non-penalty at Birmingham in 2008 – one of three crucial decisions that went against us on that infamous afternoon – have I seen such an obvious infringement go unpunished. Like Super Nic at a nightclub, Ade ended up with his shorts around his ankles, in case you need reminding. At the other end, Damien Duff mis-kicked and the ball went from his left knee to his right arm. “Penalty!” said Pathetic Peter Walton. Anyone thinking: “But Nani missed it” has clearly missed the point and will never appreciate the monumental task needed to finish ahead of ManYoo over 38 games. But that is Arsene’s mission, and one he’s chosen to accept for at least another four years. He deserves our full support; he’s going to need it.

Keep the faith.