Firstly, enough has been said re the past two defeats, time to move on, yes it was awful, yes we make the same mistakes over and over again.

Us Gooners need cheering up. So let’s look at some novel ways to improve our chances of winning some silverware this season.

1) Rename Arsene Wenger to Arsene Wagner. Let the manager eat some pies (none of that steamed broccoli and fish rubbish) give him a 'tache with long hair, and instead of listening to that dated Elvis song, Arsene Wagner can lead the team out with his latest "rendition"... It also means no matter how awful the performance, he will manage to get away with it and survive another week.

2) Clone the fabled back five. Wenger is a true scientist and professor of the game so I would like to know his thoughts on replicating our famous back five - quite literally - never again will us fans discuss the need for a world class central defender, a left back with a brain or a goalkeeper who could catch! If they get too old clone them again! Repeat until Premier League, FA Cup, Carling Cup and Champions League have been added to the trophy cabinet. If this is successful continue for the likes of Henry, Vieira, Pires and co.

3) As pointed out in other articles November is a notoriously poor month for AFC. The nights are longer, it becomes a lot colder and that early season form evaporates as quickly as de-icer on your car windscreen. Our poor youngsters need protecting, so AFC should go with the current trend and rename November Movember. The best players had moustaches, from David Seaman to John Jensen and even Glenn Helder! Think how scary Denilson would look if he had some facial hair! No longer would they be a soft touch, opposition players would turn away in fear at our more mature side, now with added steel in the form of an eyebrow above their lip!

4) Take our own Linesman and Referee to every game. No need to complain about dodgy offside decisions, penalties disallowed or our players being kicked off the park. If the opposition don't like it, we take our ball and go home with it. We will never have to argue about decisions again.

5) Bring back the Tuesday club - For those of the younger generation the Tuesday club consisted of Arsenal players such as Adams, Bould, Merson and Parlour basically going out after training (the earlier the better) and drinking until their livers became pickled. There is no point trying to hold on to a two goal lead if our pampered players can't even hold their alcohol. Nothing is more embarrassing that being amongst mates on a big night out and wretching in the street. Good drinkers are like good footballers, when the going gets tough you need the mental toughness to continue to walk in a straight line and only the best survive. Who do you think in the current Arsenal side can handle more than two pints? Fabregas probably likes a Sangria or two but would slip over at the bar ordering peanuts and damage his hamstring. Bendtner is one of those with a weak bladder, constantly in the gents and walking out without doing up his trousers. RVP would be the guy that always promises to come out, but in the end disappoints by sending a text at the last minute, while I wouldn't trust Fabianski with a tray of drinks, or Almunia (with his dodgy elbow and everything obviously). Wilshere looks like he has done a bit of underage drinking in the park with cheap cider on a Friday night, Ramsey is probably a good stout drinker, while Arshavin probably likes a vodka or two, even though it would seem he doesn't drink that much Wenger would insist that he is always at the bar providing drinks for others...

6) Upon our next win, encourage the players to over celebrate, so much that they hoist Clichy and Denilson on their shoulders only for them to fall and break their arms. While all at the club and fans alike would wish them a speedy recovery it will allow the likes of Gibbs, Wilshere, Ramsey and co to cement their spots.

7) Play for 45 minutes or first to three goals wins. Actually I think the team are already doing this... we just need to get the opposition to agree.

8) Christmas Pantomime - As the season of goodwill is approaching how about turning the E******s into a theatre to stage pantomimes? We can shout to Clichy, "Behind you! Behind you! The fu**ing ball is behind you!” After all at times our defending has been slapstick and comical. We could have Jack and the Beanstalk - a story of how Jack Wilshere and his Arsenal friends attempt to get to the pot of gold that is the PL title, only to be undone by bigger players or "giants". Snow White and the Seven Dwarves writes itself... Instead of Puss in Boots how about Pu**ies in Football Boots? The opposition can turn up and before they know it we are throwing pales of water over them, booing as hissing while our first eleven attempts to grab three points.

9) Forge a letter to Santa in Wenger's name. Ask for the usual, if you don't know what this is go to any Arsenal fan and they will give you the same answer. However judging by our disciplinary records this season, if Santa checks his list twice, Arsenal have been quite naughty rather than nice.