Ian Tanner
Straight after his Manchester Citeh charges inflicted Chelsea’s first defeat of the season, Roberto Mancini declared that they, Chelsea, would still retain easily their title. I concurred, the Chelsea machine resembling then a sinister cross between a steamroller and combine harvester, devouring everything and anything in its path. One win (v. Fulham, 1-0) in seven since October may become one in eight, as Manchester United look to improve on their dismal recent record at Stamford Bridge and extend their unbeaten campaign. Thereafter, and contrary to the general weather forecast, the clouds look set to lift over West London. A gentle run-out on Christmas Monday should help shift the pounds added over Yuletide. Ever deferential when playing their elders and betters, Arsenal will contrive to lose for an eleventh time in a dozen encounters against England’s Big Two. Or is it 11 in 12 already? I’ve lost count.
You’ve doubtless heard of a pyrrhic victory. How about a pyrrhic draw? That was all we achieved in the sequence’s one non-defeat; a shut-out in May 2009 at The Swamp, ensuring ManU were crowned Champions for the third successive time. Drogba to score? Chelsea’s first, against the run of play, coming around minute 40? The obnoxious Bob Crow’s Boxing Day underground strike to affect severely our journeys to and from E******s? All are intriguing questions to ponder over your turkey and stuffing.
At least our league debutant goalie lived up to my rave reviews; a seamless transition from Griffin Park to Old Trafford. Radio 5 Live’s commentary team were impressed, noting Szczesny’s confident handling. Resembling an equally dextrous Hernandez header earlier this season, it took the latest bizarre goal against Arsenal to prevent the 20-year-old registering a fourth clean sheet in his protracted four game Arsenal career. Or am I being naïve in thinking ManU would not have scored had they needed to? Ironically, Arsene heaped praise on the little Korean (ever met a large one?) pre-match, highlighting his lack of chat. Worryingly, though entirely true to form, Arsenal players turned motor-mouths before their supine display on Monday. This time it was Nasri and Theo needlessly adding to the pressure on themselves and team-mates, exuding a confidence that predictably vanished when they crossed the white line. Talk the talk, walk the walk. It is always thus before these big games. The bookies must rub their hands (ever met a poor one?). Even more hard to fathom was an article on the club website, asking fans whether they’d settle for a draw! Misplaced arrogance on a grand scale, without an iota of substantiating fact. Do these authors still believe in Father Christmas and Global Warming?
For all the discussions about our physical deficiencies, it’s the mental ones that continue to frustrate this observer. Take the first half against Tottnum. I hardly celebrated when Chamakh made it 2-0, preferring to continue munching on an apple. Soooo in control and winning easily, one section even struck up: “You’re sh*t, and you know you are”. Gareth Bale was anonymous. Another section – average IQ of 85 – started “olay”-ing, always an absurd thing to do, not least because it enhances the team’s self-destructive tendencies. Suddenly we’d taken one foot off the gas, the other off Spurs’ throat. Harry must have sensed a possible second half revival. The rest, as they say, is calamity. As against the mighty Baggies, three second-half goals were conceded. No wonder Cesc wants to de-camp now to Camp Nou. Enjoy your Christmas, it will be over soon enough.
