Being an offspring of Cockney diaspora, I’ve always been something of a scholar of the noble art of rhyming slang. The euphemism for being on one’s own – abandoned, deserted, shunned, cold shouldered, ostracised, afflicted with social leprosy – according to my knowledge of this ancient use of the English language is to be on one’s Jack (as in the old time crooner Jack Jones). What does one do however to be in this social predicament? Well maybe Jack, in his 1964 Grammy Award winning hit ‘Wives and Lovers’ has the answer? Or certainly, with the song’s sexist overtones, the answer for why two once revered former Sky Sports presenters find themselves banished from the widescreens of the nation’s pubs and living rooms. The private moments of the dumb and dumber of Satellite television, unwittingly captured for posterity for the world’s consumption, have exposed a Jurassic age mentality toward gender relations. However, can one possibly feel even a twinge of sympathy for the chauvinistic old devils?

One thing that could be plead in mitigation is that what was expressed had been the private conversations of the two protagonists, the two have not and possibly never had wished to publicly express on the record that women, merely by their gender are unable to correctly call an offside decision. However is private sexism anymore excusable than private racism, xenophobia or any other form of blind prejudice? Could their comments be, in the words of Jimmy Carr’s classic gag, ‘misogyny steeped in post-modern irony… so don’t worry your pretty little head about it love’? If so Keys and Gray better work on their joke delivery because at face value they sounded like two pretty convincing embittered middle age men at odds with the realities of the modern world. Perhaps you might think that Gray had every right to express that he ‘definitely wouldn’t’, after all Gray’s colleague raised the subject of her attractiveness and beauty is, after all in the eye of the beholder. And it’s hard to believe that 25 year old Sian Massey would lose too much sleep over her diminished chances with 55 year old balding Andy Gray.

Despite this however, how the damning evidence on Richard Keys and Andy Gray came to be in the public domain in the first place raises as many questions in one’s mind as the comments of the aforementioned TV outcasts. The timing of the release of the further tape of Gray and Keys with Charlotte Jackson, makes you wonder why this was not an issue dealt with by Sky when the incident happened back in December? The answer may possibly lay with Andy Gray’s legal action against the sister newspaper of BskyB, The News of the World, which would have occurred a few weeks after this incident with Ms. Jackson. Many may point to Rupert Murdoch’s News International and their ongoing attempt at 100% acquisition of BskyB from its current shareholding of just 39%, as proof that there are insufficient links between both media houses to bring about any concerted effort for repercussion against Andy Gray, they would however be wrong. Rupert’s son James is at present the non-executive Chairman of BSkyB and European chairman of News International. So why BskyB have only just chosen to deal with alleged sexual harassment one month after it has occurred certainly raises questions.

Also, while the media is quick to label the actions of Gray and Keys toward Charlotte Jackson as sexual harassment, it might be worthwhile taking a look as to what the definition of such a word is in UK employment Law. Under s4A(1b) of the Sex Discrimination Act 1976 the definition is that a man subjects a woman to harassment if he engages in any unwanted conduct of a sexual nature that has the purpose or effect or violating her dignity, or creating an intimidating, hostile, degrading, humiliating or offensive environment for her. The conduct is regarded as having this effect only if, in regard to all the circumstances and in particular the perception of the woman; it should be reasonably regarded as having this effect. If Charlotte Jackson has herself forwarded a complaint, or even passed comment about Gray’s behaviour in this instance it seems to have received little if any media coverage whatsoever. Also the media has reported Charlotte’s reaction as ignoring Gray’s actions, to denote her discomfort at Gray’s behaviour. If however, you freeze and view the YouTube footage at around 0.05 seconds as Gray is fiddling with his trousers and a full two seconds after his lewd comment, from the right hand side of the screen a smile appears to be on Ms Jackson’s face which would raise doubt as to whether Charlotte’s perception is one of intimidation rather than horseplay between colleagues.

The headlines surrounding Gray at present however have had the effect of diminishing Gray’s standing with regard to public sympathy, which is rather handy for the Murdoch press if Gray is quite rightly accusing them of violating his right to privacy through tapping his phone. After all, call me an old dinosaur if you will, but when you weigh it up the tapping of the phones of several high profile figures by a major media corporation is a far greater evil than a few off air sexist comments by a mere football commentator. If the desired effect of the Murdoch Empire however was to divert the public’s attention from the phone tapping scandal, it clearly hasn’t worked. The phone tapping scandal looks to be for Murdoch the media equivalent of one of those turds that just won’t flush.

But if this is as many have suggested a revenge campaign against Gray, where does Richard Keys fit into all of this? Well every war has its ‘collateral damage’ – and rather ironic that the ‘dark forces’ should be coming for him seeing that Keys has been a Sky ‘company man’ for neigh on 20 years. In the early days of Sky much criticism had been aimed at Keys for often talking up the excitement of a dour game covered by the fledgling corporation. Also his pathetic attempts to sabotage ITV’s World Cup ratings after England’s early exit in 1998, when guesting on Fantasy Football League were quite clearly ‘on-message’. Keys had made several references to ‘the World Cup ending for all us with Beckham’s sending off’ and how the ‘World Cup mania for us is now a passing phase’, to which Frank Skinner replied ‘just because Sky haven’t got the World Cup!’ In these troubled economic times it’s also beneficial to remove a big salary from the payroll in favour of someone able to do the job for a lower salary and in that respect Keys is far from irreplaceable.

The biggest stink that surrounds this whole episode however, rather than any defence of Gray and Keys for their cringe-inducing unenlightened behaviour, is the rank hypocrisy that emanates from the media corporation that has just disposed of them. News International has removed Gray and Keys for, while off air, using phrases like ‘did you smash it?’ and asking younger women to adjust their trousers. Not so long ago the very same corporation would have awarded Garry Bushell a pay-rise for the very same behaviour on air or in print. If sexism truly is dead at News International are we to assume the page three girl and the paparazzi nude shots of female celebrities will be a thing of the past from now on? Maybe the network that has led the way for female sports presenters will soon be introducing a few that are around the same age and level of attractiveness to the opposite sex as Gray, Keys and Stelling?

Maybe the female presenters that are on Sky at present may forward a view of football that is a little more insightful than at present? Especially if the female presenter that is currently at the centre of this controversy is anything to go by. In her pre-World Cup interview with the Sun in which she ‘reveals all’ (oo-er!), she tips England to reach the final against Brazil (oh my aching sides!). Also asked on whether she is looking forward to seeing Christiano Ronaldo play, her immediate reply is: ‘I don't fancy Ronaldo! He's too effeminate for me’ – which is slightly deviating off topic to say the least! Rather ironically the article urges it’s readership ‘before you read on to discover what she had to say, make sure you check out our picture slideshow of the 31-year-old presenter’ – which slightly suggests to its readership that her visual attributes will be more appreciated than her football analysis. It’s also advice you’ll never imagine them giving ahead of a feature on Richard Keys (although when deciding whether his visual attributes are better than his football analysis it’s pretty much akin to judging whether a midget is taller than a dwarf!). So, in regard to whether the incidents of recent days will see a new post-sexist News International, in the immortal words of Richard Keys, ‘Do me a favour, love!’