Joe Fitzpatrick 
Step right up! C'mon folks!, right this way! You sir! You sir, this very Saturday will have the pleasure, the honour, nay, the opportunity! to witness, right before your very eyes! for the low, low price of only £60 the freakiest, craziest and weirdest sights you ever did see, All right here at P.T. Wenger’s Circus where the party never ends.
You will see the incredible "Flappyhandski" a goalkeeper that picks up back passes and has no physical presence or positional sense whatsoever! Behold the hilarious sight which is "Big Game" Bendtner! Bizzarely both the world's most confident striker and the world's most delusional one too! Watch closely as his first touch is longer than a Paul Scholes pass! Shudder with amazement as he makes the ball disappear! right into row Z. Don't tell anyone but, I swear to God, I've seen one of his shots go out for a throw in! Cast your gaze over towards "Deckchair" Denilson. A midfielder who does not understand the rules of football and hasn't figured out that passing the ball forwards might just be a good idea! You'll split your sides with laughter as he jogs aimlessly around the pitch, in a world of his own and is overtaken by a linesman! Sorry, I meant "referee’s assistant".
Little Girl! Yes you, Little Girl! did you like the movie Bambi? Then you'll just love Abou Diaby! Gasp as he falls over his own gangly legs like a newborn Bambi on ice. You'll cry tears of joy as he looks like he's playing the first game of football he's ever played in his life, how sweet. He is so innocent, he simply has no decision-making ability whatsoever, just like Bambi’s mum.
Please, please Keep your distance! ladies and gentleman from our Horror attraction Manuel "the vampire" Almunia! although, if any of you have a decent cross on you, it will render him powerless! If it's a bit of laughter you are after, we have our very own jester, Emmanuel "Tinkerbell" Eboue! Some mean folks booed him a little while back so we just kinda keep him around out of guilt, more than anything else. See the freak that is the incredible "Glass Dutchman"! Do not touch him folks! As the slightest touch could see him shatter into a thousand pieces! Isn't he just precious though?
How many here have heard of Belle and Sebastian? No? None of you? Well anyway, More laughs are sure to tickle your ribs as I present to you the French "chuckle brothers" Laurent and Sebastien! you'll p*ss yourself laughing as they run into each other, get in each other’s way and hopefully knock each other out! To me, to you, to me, to you...
You will be hoodwinked, fooled and duped by the incredible impressionists we have of Cesc Fabregas and Andrey Arshavin! It's almost like having the real thing ladies and gents!
The great showman P.T. Barnum once said, "every crowd has a silver lining" and never were there truer words spoken. Arsenal fans are paying premium prices for bargain basement entertainment and some of them are only too happy to keep on paying it because, as P.T. Barnum also said "There's a sucker born every minute." Well, my fellow Gooners, before we all get dragged into and mesmerised again by P.T. Wenger's (and the board’s) hall of smoke and mirrors, before they can trot out the usual tired old excuses once again let us take a look at cold hard reality.
Why have we got so many players in our squad that are so easy to ridicule that they even have ridiculous nicknames? Think about it. Do title winning teams have so very many players in their squads that the fans deem unfit to wear the shirt? No, they do not.
P.T. Wenger's circus is being shown up for what it is and I take no pride in doing it but, if you didn't laugh you'd just break down and cry, wouldn't you? Arsenal fans have been hitting the forums, radio, podcasts, fanzines and blogs hard over the last few days and many Gooners have been doing just that for years now.
The paying public will not be fooled forever and critical mass will be reached at some point, in fact, the tipping point edges ever closer. In this information age ideas, emotions and solutions are being spread faster, more accurately and with more crystal HD clarity than ever. If revolutions around the world are being organised on twitter and Facebook then so can a football supporters’ peaceful protest movement.
"But why would we want to protest?" I hear you cry! Because we are being taken for a bunch of mugs is my answer to you. We are paying what has been described as "the most expensive prices in worldwide sport" and have to watch this bunch of clowns and their pied piper repeat Groundhog Day season after season. For argument’s sake let's say that we do not have a lot of money. Could we have sold some of our rubbish players and got a cheap Mark Schwarzer? And even also picked up a cheap defender with Premiership experience like Roger Johnson or Christopher Samba? Not our top transfer targets I’ll agree, but still, we'd be better off.
Was it that much better of an idea to let Gallas and Campbell leave on free transfers and sign two unknown quantities in Koscielny and Squillaci who have no Premiership experience? A lot of you saw this all coming before a ball was kicked this season but what did any of you do about it? Not enough to force the club to act, that's for sure. Some of you will say that we DO have money and I cannot disprove that.
Fellow Gooners, all of us can surely agree that we need to spend a bit of money this summer? And if all if us agree that it is in fact our money that is criminally not being spent either by the board or Wenger or both, then why can't we all, AKB, AMG or somewhere in between find a unified voice to chant "Spend some F***ing Money!"
The board and Wenger and a lot of fans don't think that we have the balls. What on earth are they thinking? They must have forgotten that some of us are the ones who booed Eboue! I'd love to hear you all be a bit more creative with your chants this time around and may I humbly suggest "Arsene Wenger's Red and White circus!" and "Show me the money!"
