Joe Fitzpatrick 
It's not us, Arsene. It's you...it's definitely you. We've grown apart over these last six long years because you’ve changed and, to be perfectly honest, we don't like the new you. You're just not the same man we all fell in love with. Sure, we all change a little over the course of a long term relationship such as ours, but you're just unrecognisable now, aren't you darling?
Shhhhh! Don't say a word. Hush now, don't cry sweet baby, I'm sure we can work this all out. Just listen to what I have to say, please just hear me out, OK? Good, here's a tissue.
Remember the man who changed the face of the Premier League? Remember the man who won the Double in 1998 and built the Invincible side of 2004? Do you remember that man? If you can find that Arsene, the Arsene we all fell in love with, I'm sure we can all learn to love you again, I promise.
You built powerful, combative, direct, flamboyantly attacking teams, the likes of which had never been seen before or since. But, somewhere along the line you changed and it breaks my heart to even say this but, if you can not or will not change back to that man, well it might just be better for all concerned if we started seeing other managers and you found yourself a lovely new club to play with.
After you saw how effectively the Spanish national side and Barcelona F.C. were dominating the vast footballing landscape it's understandable that you tried to copy their style and formation but you have to admit that you've failed to see the full picture and neglected to copy ALL of Barcelona's methods. That is why we are having this conversation AGAIN, ARSENE!
While Barcelona were waiting for their current golden generation to blossom they made big money signings such as Rivaldo, Eto’o, Ronaldinho, Overmars, Henry and more recently Ibrahimovic and David Villa. These players helped show the fledgling Barcelona team what was required to win trophies, and they also added quality in areas that even their marvellous youth system couldn't always provide for. I understand that you might not have always had the best financial resources available to you, due to the costs incurred by the construction of the London Colney training complex and the Ashburton Grove stadium, but surely now you could spend just a bit more freely? You really are starting to look like a right old miser, even though I admit your fashion sense has come a long way since 1996. Well, except for that massive blue jacket you just insist on wearing when it's cold. Are you really that tight that you couldn't even get yourself a decent jacket? You used to buy World Cup winners like Henry and Pires and proven winners like Sol Campbell, but now you buy players like Silvestre and Squillaci. Yes, I know that French football is no longer the force that it once was but you must realise that you can sign players from other countries besides your native France.
If you look at the way that Barcelona and the Spainish national team play you should notice that while they play attacking possession football they are also extremely hardworking without the ball, positionally aware and defensively solid while we, on the other hand, are anything but those things. When you guided us through that unforgettable unbeaten season we conceded only 26 goals, ten goals fewer than we have already conceded this season. Where has the team spirit gone? The tight defence? The mental strength? Maybe you broke up that side a bit too hastily, Arsene, and now you are breaking all of our hearts.
You used to know the value of big, strong athletic players but by trying to copy Barcelona and going for smaller, more mobile players you failed to consider just how different the Premier league is to La Liga. In La Liga the game is slower and far less physical than in the premiership and I would be interested to see how Barcelona would get on over the course of a full premiership season with our weather, playing on our pitches against the leg breakers of Stoke and Birmingham. You need to go back to signing experienced winners and physically imposing players like Patrick Viera, otherwise it might just be time to say Au Revoir and move on with our lives.
Don't look so sad. Yes, I know it's hard. It's hard for me too but at least we had that great unbeaten season, a couple of fantastic Doubles and we almost had Paris.
Every time I walk into Ashburton Grove I'll think of you. A part of me will always love you and look fondly upon our time together but things just can't carry on as they are. It's just not healthy.
