The spell of Leviathan

Are Arsenal Barcelona-lite or are they really just full fat Blackpool on Steroids?



The spell of Leviathan

Cruyff: Offer him a role


Whilst reading a brilliant article in the Gooner, containing the marvellously humorous question "Are Arsenal Barcelona-lite or are they really just Blackpool heavy?” I was reminded of a story that I heard from an old travelling storyteller as a child that completely mirrors the current problems in the relationship between Arsenal FC and its millions of fans.

Most of you will not have heard of this story as it comes from the oral Celtic tradition of storytelling dating back thousands of years. Different stories, from ancient oral traditions, were chosen to be published as official children's stories by the royal families of medieval Europe. Many such stories or variations are still being used by our own so-called democratically controlled political governments of Europe today as the basis for all of our government approved school curriculum, brainwashing, diet of children's entertainment, especially the work of huge production companies such as Disney/Dreamworks/Pixar/Marvel etc. Only certain fairytales and heroes, it seems, are fit for consumption by the great unclean vermin-like masses of the working class - at least that's what it feels like.

Strangely enough, fellow Gooners, it turns out that certain individuals in positions of great power over you don't want you or your children to hear a story about the great masses of ordinary folk being seduced, spellbound, hypnotised and charmed into blissful ignorance and slavery by parasitical malevolent entities or individuals. Really funny that - can't quite work out why that could possibly be? Why would anyone ever want to lie to absolutely everybody else? What on earth could they hope gain from it? Apart from the obvious stacks of cash and mountains of treasure, of course.

Long, long ago in a galaxy far, far away all around the warm glowing light of campfires across the length and breadth of these British Isles a story was passed down from generation to generation, as weary fathers laid their children down to sleep by the gentle light of the fire... Once upon a time, in an ancient city in a location that is hidden from the modern memory under the ever rapidly flowing sands of time, there lurked a great malevolent demonic spirit named Leviathan who managed to possess and control the hearts and minds of men after being summoned into this dimension by an ancient Celtic king during a Druidic ceremony not dissimilar to those that might have been practised and performed at ancient sites such as Stonehenge. At the request and magical behest of the Sorcerer King the evil spirit Leviathan spoke through the King’s mouth and brought great deception to the mass of the ordinary people by virtue of wickedly clever lies and magical enchantment - something akin to mass hypnosis. Leviathan convinced the population of the lost city to sleepwalk their way throughout their dreary lives and blindly follow the charismatic king never questioning as to why they should only be entitled to even a tiny fraction of all their hard earned wealth, crops and livestock or at least some worldly compensation for handing over most of everything they had to the evil, greedy, money grabbing, sorcerer shareholders. Did I just write shareholders? Sorry, I meant to write King. The delete button is way too far away to correct that Freudian slip now. Sorry folks.

Mass mind manipulation and political style New Labour/Conservative spin mind control predates Jesus Christ himself and were most famously written about by the ancient Greek philosopher Plato in "The Republic". They are by no means modern phenomena and have in fact only been honed and refined by the various powers that be throughout the centuries and now these concepts have even crept into our much beloved, world of quasi-religious football escapism. The evil sorcerer shareholders of Arsenal FC and their chosen king Arsene joined forces to weave a giant web of deception that fell softly and silently over the eyes of a great many of the Gooner population. Their great deception, their great lie to all of us was of course their infamous story that Arsenal FC are in fact the British version of Barcelona rather than simply a pumped-up Blackpool on steroids. I would be interested to see just how many of you still subscribe to this crackpot theory of Arsenal being anything remotely like the current European Champions after the evidence of the season we’ve just had. In fact, I defy you to.

I do not mind that Barcelona are held up as the ideal role models of the modern game as something to aspire to but please, oh please, do not try and sell me on the fact that we are ANYWHERE near to Barcelona in footballing terms on anything like a consistent basis. Please do not insult or underestimate my very limited intelligence.

Arsenal fans are expected to continue to pay sky high prices for season tickets and merchandise while being forced to watch (via the ruthless use of emotional blackmail) as increasingly lazy, uncommitted, unmotivated players insult the memory of Arsenal legends by daring to pull on the famous red and white shirt and step out on the pitch in front of the Arsenal faithful. Meanwhile the mind-boggling way in which King Arsene and some of his mediocre players have the front to constantly talk about their own potential greatness and how they often compare their style of play to that of the Catalan giants, truly does leave me scratching my head at times. Have they ever even really studied the way that Barcelona play their football? Of course they have, they are plainly either lying or are delusional when they say that we are as good as the Catalans or anywhere even close to being a British Barcelona.

Somehow (don't ask me how) the evil sorcerer shareholders and their chosen King have also managed to cast their spell of Leviathan over the wider Football community and therefore deceived some sections of the great British media into somehow believing that Arsenal deserve to be mentioned in the same breath as Barcelona. It might have been true to say that Arsenal were somewhere close to Barcelona in footballing terms back in the days of Bergkamp, Henry, Pires, Petit, Overmars, Anelka, Vieira and Ljungberg but sadly no longer. Yes, we managed to finally beat them on that most magical of nights at the Grove last season but let's not kid ourselves here; West Brom and Newcastle beat us at home but no one, other than the most stubbornly deluded Baggie or Magpie fan, is suggesting for a single second that either of them are better football teams than Arsenal.

Barcelona are the champions of both Spain and Europe while Arsenal are the fourth best team in England; those are the facts of the matter and the odd wonder strike from Van Persie, sublime pass from Cesc, mazy dribble from Nasri or increasingly rare goal or intelligent assist from the infuriating Arshavin should not be allowed to detract from the fact that Arsenal are a million miles away from the total football of Barcelona. Barcelona are a side built in the very image and likeness of the footballing God known as Johan Cruyff and therefore vicariously in the image and likeness of his very own footballing mentor Rinus Michels and have therefore become the greatest modern proponents of the system of total football, possibly even surpassing the levels of excellence achieved by Michels’ and Cruyff's very own legendary Ajax Amsterdam sides.

The system of total football relies on technically gifted players that are drilled and schooled in every single component of the beautiful game both defensively and offensively (note to Arsene; they do not tolerate sh*te goalkeepers for too long either) resulting in a constantly mobile blur of passing destruction and clever movement that will successfully bring opponents to their knees 99 times out of 100. Barcelona are rightly praised for their free flowing attacking football but not nearly enough is made in the worldwide media of their harrying, swarming, hardworking defensive tactics and the clever movement of their players when they eventually lose the ball.

The system requires each and every player to run his socks off and to be intelligent enough to constantly adapt positionally to the ebb and flow of the modern game whilst retaining both a high tempo and work rate.

It was due to his uncanny ability whilst at the very peak of his freakish, superhuman footballing powers to play in almost any position on the entire football pitch that earned Johann Cruyff the moniker of the "total footballer" while Barcelona also have a few potential all time greats of their own in the likes of Xavi, Iniesta and Messi.

It would appear to me that in order to truly play total football you need either a total footballer or maybe at least three of the very best players on the entire planet in order to be successful. Arsenal have some very good players but they need at least 4 world class players to join their squad if they want to win the Premier league next season, let alone the European cup, or maybe we would only need three players if we could somehow manage to retain the services of our motorsport enthusiast and 100% dedicated captain, the disgraceful Cesc Fabregas and somehow keep Vermaelen, Van Persie, Wilshere, Ramsey and Nasri fully fit all season. I won't go into transfer gossip here as I don't have any super top-secret insider knowledge of the inner transfer workings of Arsenal FC and never will I pretend to have any. (This article was carefully prepared in a transfer gossip free environment but may contain traces of who I'd like Arsenal to buy, who I'd like to leave or who I'd like to manage Arsenal.) After all, isn't it Arsene Wenger’s job to find the right players to bring in the silverware? Or is he not paid in excess of £6,000,000 a year to win trophies?

If he is instead being paid in order to merely finish in the top 4 without ever really competing for trophies at the business end of the season then shame on us for not speaking out about it. We have a great platform from which to push on from and we loyal fans deserve to finally see some marquee names come in to restore us once again to our former glory, as Kings of London and the entire bloody country. Maybe we could set up a secret poll online for season ticket holders only detailing who we would most like to buy or the club could just ask to see The Gooner's end of season survey results if they want to save some time. All it would take to win trophies is a little investment in the playing squad and shake up of the 15 year+, stale, out of date, defensively naive coaching triumvirate of Wenger, Rice and Primorac. The replacement of goalkeeping coach Gary Peyton and an investigation into the role played in Arsenal's never ending injury crisis of Colin Lewin and his physio department. That's ALL it would take but even if we start moving now it will take us at least two years to get to the level that we all wish us to be playing at.

If Arsene Wenger’s Arsenal truly want to emulate either Cruyff's Ajax or his beloved Barcelona then why do they not stop trying to constantly delude themselves and all of us Gooners that we are on track to reach the promised land of total football and instead actually attempt to recruit the living legend that is good old "Nummer 14" himself as technical director or advisor to Arsene Wenger while we are still fortunate enough to have him with us on this planet of ours? Surely, even Arsene Wenger would have to listen to what Johann Cruyff had to say about his technically blessed but oh so crucially tragically fatally flawed football team. He surely cannot be that stubborn or arrogant. Barcelona do not misplace silly backheeled passes on the edge of their own penalty area or fail to close down the opposition and Barcelona do not accept anything less than 100% effort and excellence from each and every single one of their players.

Comments from players such as Denilson recently tend to suggest that Arsenal players are living in a bubble of ignorance about just what level they are playing at because when someone like Denilson gets his hands on a Barca shirt that he hasn't bought from sportsdirect.com or another high street retailer, Hell will freeze over once and for all. Javier Mascherano cannot force his way into a regular starting place at Barcelona and many are questioning as to whether Cesc Fabregas would currently be able to do any better than he is doing, such is the level of excellence and telepathic understanding achieved by Xavi, Busquets, Iniesta, Messi, Villa and Pedro et al. As long as we have players like Denilson, Eboue, Bendtner, Diaby, Squillaci and Almunia in our squad Rinus Michels vision of total football will elude us because those players do not possess the heart, desire, commitment or even the technical quality to play this particular brand of football.

Our better players such as Van Persie, Fabregas and Nasri (soon to be followed by Wilshere and Ramsey) are growing increasingly frustrated at the level of footballing ability and intelligence around them resulting in their increasing desire to play their favoured brand of football elsewhere. If Van Persie was always fit Barcelona would probably be chasing him as well as Cesc Fabregas this summer. We have become a mere feeder club for Barcelona rather than contenders for their much coveted crown of European champions We have already sold them Petit, Overmars, van Bronckhorst, Hleb, Sylvinho, Henry and will most likely be selling them Cesc Fabregas very shortly too. Could we please stop selling them our best players or will Jack Wilshere be the target of another transfer swoop in 2014?

There is no way in this world that allowing mediocre players to consistently don Arsenal shirts brings us any closer to winning trophies or achieving the consistent excellence of the current European champions. It is only by bringing in or producing more players of the quality of Fabregas, Van Persie, Wilshere, Vermaelen, Nasri or Ramsey that we will ever be able to dare to even dream of winning that elusive Champions League trophy. Football is a game that can greatly be affected by the loss of even just one player's efforts, When we allow players like Almunia, Squillaci, Eboue, Diaby, Bendtner and Denilson to have a place in our starting XI we are putting ourselves at a distinct disadvantage because it can be like playing with only 9 men on the pitch at times while the loss of just one single player can be the difference between a point or certain victory, (just take a look at the before and after effect of Abou Diaby’s red card at Newcastle if you don't believe me) imagine if we had a Wesley Sneijder, Iniesta or Sebastian Schweinsteiger in our squad to push the likes of Fabregas, Nasri and van Persie on to further levels of greatness instead of allowing them to sometimes get complacent due to lack of competition of places in the squad.

Alex Song is a decent enough player for his age, but he has failed to develop further under Wenger due to the fact that he has no one breathing down his neck for his place in the side. Denilson or Diaby are never going to displace Song from the Arsenal starting XI and that is not a good thing for either Alex Song or Arsenal. The sad fact remains that a player of the quality of Alex Song has been allowed to become indispensable to Arsenal. This isn't intended to be a slight on the abilities of the young lad but, let's be honest, he is by no means a Patrick Vieira yet,

Barcelona are ruthless and full of intelligent movement in the final third of the pitch while Arsenal, barring the excellent van Persie, of course, are much more merciful and woefully wasteful. Barcelona are dynamic, creative and inventive in possession while Arsenal without Nasri or Fabregas look desperately bereft of ideas or intelligent forward passing.


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21
comments

  1. Boris

    Jun 02, 2011, 23:23 #8144

    Top stuff my friend. Wenger is trying 'Total Football' with Total Pillocks. I laugh at those who still show off about us beating Barca in a one-off game. Half a two-legged tie WHICH WE LOST. So what? Wolves beat Man U, Newcastle beat Arsenal, Hercules beat Barca!! Arsenal are a joke under Wenger, I've lost all interest until he leaves our club. British Barcelona? Don't make me laugh. Try the French Blackpool...

  2. terry

    Jun 02, 2011, 18:50 #8136

    RJ: "competitive for 89% of the season", lol, what a joker. Here's some percentages for you: Utd and Chelsea always had a 100% chance of finishing above us, this fact is borne out by recent history. 99.9% of teams treated the carling cup with disdain, WBA rested their entire 1st 11 for their quarter-final tie v Ipswich yet we were still unable to win it. We had a 0% chance of winning the european cup, the old 'we got beaten by the best team in the world' is straw clutching at it's finest. Wenger is 100% guaranteed to make the same mistakes next season and finally Arsenal FC are 100% never gonna win the title again while Wenger is in charge.

  3. Joe Fitzpatrick

    Jun 02, 2011, 15:33 #8131

    Hey Gooners. Sorry if you don't like my style but I'm an amateur writer who has only been writing for a few months. I try to make the articles both entertaining and informative as I realise that reading the same old stuff over and over can get pretty boring, pretty fast. Who shall we buy? Who shall we sell? Should Arsene stay or go? Blah, blah, blah. Doesn't exactly help matters for me does it? By the way, this is a fanzine- you can submit your own ****ing article if you want!

  4. HeyRube

    Jun 02, 2011, 14:54 #8129

    Hey Graham Yates, Vic had absolutely nothing to do with total football, he was at both clubs pre total football.

  5. JOE

    Jun 02, 2011, 14:45 #8128

    Atrociously written. You obviously think adding unnecessary words makes you sound intelligent.

  6. christian

    Jun 02, 2011, 14:21 #8124

    why do you have to vomit so much crap in with a relatively lame point

  7. O

    Jun 02, 2011, 13:47 #8120

    jesus what a boring style

  8. Ellidinho

    Jun 02, 2011, 13:32 #8117

    Quite an incisive post-mortem of The Gunners last season!But do the authorities at Arsenal ever listen? Any Gooner who has been reading articles on AFC will agree this piece is a good summary of our wish for next season!Go slow abit on Diaby but a clear-out plus a change of attitude by some players-including CF, is a must in readiness for the coming campaign!

  9. ukbk

    Jun 02, 2011, 13:17 #8116

    Barcelona have a solid back five of Valdes, Puyol, Piqué, Alves and Abidal - are you for real?

  10. no. 1 is perry groves....

    Jun 02, 2011, 13:01 #8113

    jesus, war and peace! spot on with regards the comments on cesc

  11. Richard Ansell

    Jun 02, 2011, 12:30 #8108

    I said to my best Gooner mate the other day that AW was trying to imitate Barca on the cheap, with a squad of players nowhere near good enough and without any of Barca's excellent work rate when not in possession. In my book that is a recipe for failure which the past six seasons has confirmed. Most people can see this, but the one that matters (AW) can't. Or does but will not accept the evidence of his own eyes. Our crackpot manager either has to buy in the quality needed to at least try to get to Barca's level and that includes defenders, AW, (that's what Fergie will be doing) or abandon his principles and turn us in to the Arsenal of old - hard to beat with a solid defence, a good goal poacher and playing more of a long ball game. My bet is of course that he will do neither and we will have to endure more of the same rubbish next season.

  12. RJ

    Jun 02, 2011, 12:29 #8107

    How have we not competed for trophies this year? * Carling cup final - horrible individual error means team performance snuffed out in last minute. * More than mathematical chance of winning the league until 4 games from the end - so competitive for 89% of the season. Yes, it was horrible to watch at points in the season, but we were competitive - and good enough to take at least 50% of the points on offer from the teams who finished ahead of us in the table * Knocked out of the Champion's League by the eventual winner, and by most reckonings the best club team in football history who made our league champions look like complete muppets. * I will grant we were out of contention in the FA Cup If there is mass mind control going on, it is amongst the people who believe: * we are currently useless * we have a God given right to win the league * that booing our players will somehow make them play better * that the better quality product can somehow be delivered by not paying for it. Please don't give me the £41m transfer kitty - who can we buy with that, and what do we do when it is gone? Granted, our form for the last 10 games was the stuff of relegation - Wenger had better sort that out.

  13. danalovAFCXI

    Jun 02, 2011, 11:56 #8102

    Bit of a needless pop at Cesc the lad has done his best over the years and given a lot to the club. Anyone who breaks a leg scoring a penalty has earned his place in the hall of fame. You would do well to have a bit more respect for players of his calibre as they might not be around much longer as the club heads into mediocrity under this manager. Cesc is a great football player who happens to play for our club luckily I think he puts a shift in more than most at the moment so if he wants to watch the grand prix let him. I don’t sign up to this bollocks of players having to bleed for there club or show how committed they are blah just as long as they play well I couldn’t give a **** what a player thinks or does off the pitch. Stop placing these lads on ridiculous pedestals they are just human beings who are jammy enough to possess the right skills to play a football at a top level. However this last statement doesn’t apply to Diaby or Denilson or Alumina.

  14. khun

    Jun 02, 2011, 10:27 #8096

    Well-written article! We need more writers of your calibre around.

  15. CD

    Jun 02, 2011, 10:14 #8092

    Joe we are all frustrated with the way things are currently at Arsenal, but I think you need to take a rest during this close season, otherwise your frustrations will eat away at you all summer long. I am as angry, frustrated etc as you are, but I need to recharge my batteries and feel maybe you do as well as otherwise the whole Arsenal/Arsene Wenger thing will drive you mad. Enjoy the cricket, tennis , golf or whatever other interests you may have, as no amount of articles you write will change anything during this close season. I say this for your own good health, as I do enjoy reading your articles but worry for your own mental health if you dont have your own close season so to speak. Please take this post in the good way it's intended, and by all means write occasional articles but dont end up so highly strung like I have been during the actual season with AW and just enjoy a stress free summer as the chances are come August our collective blood pressures will be sky high anyway!

  16. Mounir

    Jun 02, 2011, 10:13 #8091

    Simply put, I absolutely ****ing agree.. Albeit the Fabregas bit, he doesn't belong in Arsenal anymore..

  17. Ren Vassilliou

    Jun 02, 2011, 10:08 #8090

    never nearer to the truth , i have been screaming all season saying most of the things your colume has covered , its no longer long live the king at the Emirates, as for the second rate players i don't need to select who they are , we need a big clear out start from our back room , maybe we are sick of Rice now and we prefer Noodles instead , We need to bring back two or three winners of past glory as the coaching staff , Maybe Vieira, Bergkamp, and even Henry, Pires if he is up to a coaching job , I still believe though we will still be in the same position next season as we are now no change , even Wenger said recently we only need one or two players , "Same again Wenger, " but i said i don't want any Rice " tuff cause your still getting it .

  18. Ron

    Jun 02, 2011, 9:57 #8089

    Good stuff. The media (when its in a rare pro Arsenal day) propogate the myth that Arsenal are the english version of Barca so theyre to blame. Trouble is, if people are told something often enough they eventually beleive it. Some of our fans are in that bracket, but thankfully I suspect not many of the regular match going supporters share this daft view. The truth is that the so called free flowing, beautiful, eye catching football that we are supposed to so effortlessly play has rarely ever been witnessed and such football that might be decribed as such occured such a long long time ago, that its a faded memory. Lets be brutally honest here as well, the best football Arsenal offer up is usually when they steam some rubbish, unsuspecting mid/lower table or newly promoted outfit anyway and never the top sides.

  19. Graham Yates

    Jun 02, 2011, 9:57 #8088

    You missed out the name of Vic Buckingham a little known English coach of Ajax & Barcelona who started the whole ethos in 1971. He was the one who discovered Cruyff & decided that Barca play 433 then. So roughtly 40 years of playing this way gets you success. If I am right I think we moved to 433 only 2 seasons back?

  20. STEVE.

    Jun 02, 2011, 9:26 #8085

    I TOTALY AGREE,AND THE ANSWER IS WHAT IV'E BEEN SAYING FOR THE PAST TWO SEASONS,AND THAT IS,WHILE ARSENAL HAVE GOT WENGER,YOU WILL GET NO SILVERWARE,SO "WENGER OUT".

  21. Adam

    Jun 02, 2011, 9:08 #8084

    Some very decent points here but way too verbose and clouded in the writers love of his own written voice. A greatly condensed version would be so much more succinct.