Ian Tanner
A Gooner mate has excelled recently with Arsenal-centric trivia, noting that we are actually doing no worse this season than last, comparing like-for-like results, if one teams promoted Swansea (H, 1-0), with WBA (promoted last time and beat us 2-3). And if we get a result at Chelsea Saturday (0-2) we’ll be ahead of schedule. I know what you are thinking … “Hmm. Lies, damn lies and statistics …”
His half-time gem on Sunday was that we had eleven nationalities on the pitch. You are joking, I thought, before remembering that he doesn’t do jokes since Cesc and Samir left. If he had been joking he’d have said: “Did you hear the one about a Pole, a Brazilian, a Frenchman, a German, a Swiss …?”
While we are doing funnies, did you hear the one about a Belgian, an Israeli, a Russian, a Korean, a Welshman and a Czech? Yes, six Gooners are international captains, at least until recalled from their loan period (Yossi Benayoun) or for National Service (Ju-Young Park). Who says we don’t have any leaders? It’s not chiefs we are lacking, it’s Indians; though with further expansion into Asia definitely part of the Arsenal business plan that will surely change. If all six ever play simultaneously I’ll be sure to let you know. I’ll also be sure to let The Guinness Book of Records know. Dear Norris …
Americans call us Limeys, Aussies disparage us Pommies, to the French we are Les Rosbif, their meant-to-be-insulting reference to our traditional Sunday delicacy after a cremation lasting at least two hours. The only nation we seem to obsess over more than they do us is “The Germans”. Per Mertesacker came to us with a reputation, and 70+ full international caps, for excellent positional awareness – a bit like the great Bobby Moore. Also like Bobby, Per is not the quickest. So there’s absolutely no point shouting “Schnell!” when, from the stands, you sense an imminent over-the-top attack on Polish territory. And, in this politically correct age, don’t even think about mentioning the war.
When last writing to Esteemed Ed I hoped that “Feed The Ox and he will score” might become AOC’s anthem. Trouble is, he hasn’t played for us since (though Arsene has promised that Alex will definitely start against Bolton) so it’s not had a chance to catch on. I cautioned against expecting too much too soon, a familiar trait among sports fans and one that is actively encouraged by our shameful media, after the second of his only two starts. The Ox’s total game time since Olympiacos has been dazzling performances for England U21s, including a hat-trick; unsurprising leading to calls for his inclusion at Euro 2012.
Alex, Theo and Jack are the three youngest Englishmen to score in the Champions League, as you doubtless know already. How ironic, then, that the manager who gave each their chances has a totally unwarranted reputation for not liking English players. Perhaps Arsene’s motto should be, if you’re good enough, you’re young enough.
If Arsene is the Face of Arsenal, Maria Petri is the Voice of Arsenal. At full-time on Sunday I traversed 180 degrees of the Stadium to enjoy the last rays of sunshine before Arsenal U18s beat Chelsea U18s 1-0 in a friendly arranged to alleviate congestion on the London tube caused by yet more weekend engineering works (must get everything hunky dory for the Olympics, mustn’t we?). From fully 100 yards away, and probably metres as well, I could still hear Dame Maria’s various melodic renditions. Respect.
Finally an item of late news which you may want to pass on to your ManU acquaintances. A crisis line has been set up for shell-shocked fans. They should call 0161-616-1616.
