Joe Fitzpatrick 
Dwight Yorke was overheard by a friend of mine asking why "Arsène Wenger doesn't just get some Ronseal in". Yes, that's right. That's what Mr. Yorke said he uses when he "has any f***ing problem with the fence"!
Only joking. For legal reasons, I will have to say that my friend may have misheard the conversation and Mr. Yorke might have just been ordering a lovely dinner from behind the thick plate-glass. Either is possible. I also think he comes across as a fantastic bloke on the telly and I hope that if, by some minor miracle, someone who knows him reads this, they would agree that he has a great sense of humour and would find that joke funny because it is at Arsène Wenger’s expense and is only a bit of the old craic from an ordinary football fan.
I'm sorry, fellow Gooners but I've got to laugh, or I'd just break down and cry. Maybe I am a bit too emotionally involved in football for a 27-year-old man. Probably a tad more than I should be, but I can't help it. I think I've got a problem. I caught myself explaining, or trying to explain, to my girlfriend that religiously watching Italian, Dutch and Turkish football is perfectly normal.
Arsène-Boroseal (Wenger and Boro Primorac) don't do defenders... but if they did, they wouldn't, but if they did, the defenders would never see their reflections in the side of any tin.... or any silver either for that matter.
It shouldn't be this easy to write gags about how bad Arsenal are at the back, but unfortunately for us Gooners, we have to kick back, relax and watch Djourou and Squillaci wear the shirts once graced by heroes such as O'Leary and Adams. It's unacceptable. You should know that; Wenger should know it; any Joe Public (or Fitzpatrick) should know that.... even if they hadn't seen Santos play before he had joined Arsenal.
I said in my last article on this website that Djourou was a dangerous liability at right-back. Well, actually, what I actually said was "poor Johann looked more like a fish out of water than a ten-foot marlin flapping around on the deck of some huge Red and White fishing vessel."
You say potato, I say poo-ta-two.
The serious point is, Arsène Wenger should know what a good defender looks like because he trains with the Verminator every single day. He also can't have forgotten Big Sol, "The Rash" Martin Keown and Big Tone already. Can he? The man should know that anything worse than William Gallas or Kolo Toure is not going to be tolerated by the fans and we know what a good centre-half looks like, even if we haven't spent "even half a day in football management."
How can Arsène Wenger not see just how bad Squillaci and Djourou are? It beggars belief! Why doesn't he just: a) buy some more quality defenders like Sagna and Vermaelen and admit he made some mistakes, OR, b) go with the far more economical method of getting Adams, Keown and Dixon back as chief defensive coaches of both the senior and reserve squads.
Arsène Wenger and Boro Primorac may have produced players like Jack Wilshere and Thierry Henry, but the defenders have been awful. The few good ones we've seen such as Tommy Vermaelen, William Gallas and Sol Campbell were brought in from outside, while the only good one that they did manage to develop was Kolo Touré from out of nowhere.
Here's to hoping that Koscielny and Gibbs figure it out for themselves, because they won't be getting any decent coaching at Arsenal until a Doctor of Defence is brought in to complement the flawed genius of attacking football that is le Nutty Professeur.
