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Football addicts anonymous

Get the Ronseal out!

5 January, 2012 9:00 28 comments
Football addicts anonymous

Enough with Arsenal's Chuckle Brothers?

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Dwight Yorke was overheard by a friend of mine asking why "Arsène Wenger doesn't just get some Ronseal in". Yes, that's right. That's what Mr. Yorke said he uses when he "has any f***ing problem with the fence"!

Only joking. For legal reasons, I will have to say that my friend may have misheard the conversation and Mr. Yorke might have just been ordering a lovely dinner from behind the thick plate-glass. Either is possible. I also think he comes across as a fantastic bloke on the telly and I hope that if, by some minor miracle, someone who knows him reads this, they would agree that he has a great sense of humour and would find that joke funny because it is at Arsène Wenger’s expense and is only a bit of the old craic from an ordinary football fan.

I'm sorry, fellow Gooners but I've got to laugh, or I'd just break down and cry. Maybe I am a bit too emotionally involved in football for a 27-year-old man. Probably a tad more than I should be, but I can't help it. I think I've got a problem. I caught myself explaining, or trying to explain, to my girlfriend that religiously watching Italian, Dutch and Turkish football is perfectly normal.

Arsène-Boroseal (Wenger and Boro Primorac) don't do defenders... but if they did, they wouldn't, but if they did, the defenders would never see their reflections in the side of any tin.... or any silver either for that matter.

It shouldn't be this easy to write gags about how bad Arsenal are at the back, but unfortunately for us Gooners, we have to kick back, relax and watch Djourou and Squillaci wear the shirts once graced by heroes such as O'Leary and Adams. It's unacceptable. You should know that; Wenger should know it; any Joe Public (or Fitzpatrick) should know that.... even if they hadn't seen Santos play before he had joined Arsenal.

I said in my last article on this website that Djourou was a dangerous liability at right-back. Well, actually, what I actually said was "poor Johann looked more like a fish out of water than a ten-foot marlin flapping around on the deck of some huge Red and White fishing vessel."

You say potato, I say poo-ta-two.

The serious point is, Arsène Wenger should know what a good defender looks like because he trains with the Verminator every single day. He also can't have forgotten Big Sol, "The Rash" Martin Keown and Big Tone already. Can he? The man should know that anything worse than William Gallas or Kolo Toure is not going to be tolerated by the fans and we know what a good centre-half looks like, even if we haven't spent "even half a day in football management."

How can Arsène Wenger not see just how bad Squillaci and Djourou are? It beggars belief! Why doesn't he just: a) buy some more quality defenders like Sagna and Vermaelen and admit he made some mistakes, OR, b) go with the far more economical method of getting Adams, Keown and Dixon back as chief defensive coaches of both the senior and reserve squads.

Arsène Wenger and Boro Primorac may have produced players like Jack Wilshere and Thierry Henry, but the defenders have been awful. The few good ones we've seen such as Tommy Vermaelen, William Gallas and Sol Campbell were brought in from outside, while the only good one that they did manage to develop was Kolo Touré from out of nowhere.

Here's to hoping that Koscielny and Gibbs figure it out for themselves, because they won't be getting any decent coaching at Arsenal until a Doctor of Defence is brought in to complement the flawed genius of attacking football that is le Nutty Professeur.

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28
comments

  1. Joe Fitzpatrick

    Jan 09, 2012, 0:54 #16676

    The Totts were in serious trouble when the twitcher took over. Yes they probably had the quality to stay up but, we'll never know for sure. The point is... Look at all the motivation in his players. They really play their hearts out for managers like Redknapp and you can see that they love to play for and respond to, that kind of authoritarian figure. It worked for clough, it works for Mourinho and Ferguson too. Wenger is a great coach but nice guys always finish second.

  2. CanadaGooner

    Jan 07, 2012, 19:43 #16660

    same as arsenal were close to relegation at the beginning of this season Ron. you watch too much telly. spurs were never in danger of relegation that season and would have survived with or without arry. as for giving credit to other clubs, i will, when it's due. and it's not yet due. you seem to know a lot about 'people like me' because you're a football fan and not an arsenal fan

  3. Ron

    Jan 07, 2012, 11:55 #16637

    CG - The fact that you cant afford to give another Club credit speaks volumes about you actually. You dont have to like them! Your recollect seems dodgy too. Tottenham were bottom or close to it when Redknapp took over, being spoken of as real relegation possibilties with the likes of Bentley still there to try and drag them out of it, so i d say theyve done pretty well without looking at their overall record down the years. It people like you who are so one eyed in your views on your own team as opposed to being 'football' fans first that often makes football such an unsavoury sport to follow in the modern day to be brutally honest. Open your eyes!

  4. Ron

    Jan 06, 2012, 17:41 #16622

    Tony - Yes, its the indulgence afforded to weak performers that irritates so many Arsenal fans and rightly so.Its not as if these guys (we know who they are) havent been given enough time or chances, most have an amazing number of appearances under their belts and all constantly leave us asking when any ever had a game where they actually changed or massively influenced a game or games against worthwhile opponents. Our criticisms has gained ground and momentum though as the ticket prices have gone northwards in conjunction with seeing obtainable, better players join other Clubs and do well.

  5. CanadaGooner

    Jan 06, 2012, 16:31 #16619

    @Ron: where were they (Spurs) when Harry took over? where has he taken them? you make it sound like they were in dire straits? they had just come off the back of two 5th place (nearly 4th) finishes and Jol had them steady before Ramos (and Ramos' time can be likened to what's happening with AVB right now, but he wasnt given enough time). Spurs have steadily spent money over the years and the set of players they've had have been terrific, with little more than a carling cup to show for it. for a club on the verge of moving to east london a few months ago and i very much doubt they'll finish in the top 4 this season (and if they do, so what?). 'honest fans'? the only arsenal fans that will say 'well done' to spurs and redknapp at this point is a fickle, short-sighted fan who should be supporting spurs and not arsenal. if however at the end of the season spurs have won the premiership, then i would be the first to take my hat off to them

  6. Tony Evans

    Jan 06, 2012, 14:50 #16614

    Ron - have to say I agree with your analysis of the current crop of players more than I do the picture Mitch is trying to paint. Like you it reminds me of times gone by when I was always wishing we had two or three more quality players and hoping sides above us dropped points unexpectedly. The latter is actually happening but sadly we are still at least three top players away from the finished article and I do not accept that it is beyond us to put that right. No one in their right mind is expecting us to compete financially with the likes of Citeh and I am not saying finding players of the right calibre that are available is easy but I am fed up with the same old problems caused by sub standard players that are indulged by Wenger. If only we could see some evidence that Wenger sees what we see week in and week out but he just does not appear to. I know I haven't even spent half a week in football but even so I would not tolerate the dross that Wenger does.

  7. Ron

    Jan 06, 2012, 12:13 #16606

    Mitch - Theres no creativity in the team now. Ramsey does his best, but hes a worker, a harrier type whos best use would be to be arriving late in the box and taking a dig here and there. like Lampard does/did. Hes exopected to create. He cant. Song hasnt been 'brilliant'. Hes often a liabilty with his slothful gait that leads him into late body checks and stupid fouls in dangerous positions, 3-4 times every game. Hes back up material at best in my view. I cant see how people rate him as he only ever looks good v weak teams and his best use is for that purpose. We ve lacked a power house all round middle man since Vieira went off the boil. Look at Ya Ya Toure. Thats a job we need somebody to do i.e plough through teams, when we cant weave around them. Cost some though, if there is such player! We do need a quality striker. Not a back up for RVP. One to play with him as well as in place of him. We need a top quality LB. None at the club are even near good enough. We are short of a top CB too. Vermaealen is good, but he requires similar quality alongside him. The type who dictates to attackers. Kos has done well to improve, but he ll never be that player. We need a genuine wide man who knows how to get behind defences and deliver. Walcott shd by now have perfected this. He hasnt and in my view wont ever do so. Hes a bench man, to throw on v a tired opponent when all we need is his brand of one dimensional, rather crude pacey stuff, just to cause some havoc here and there. The squad is an OK sqaud to hold top 6, but so, so lacks variation,power and nous all over the pitch as well as technical abilty nowadays. Its never going to take a top trophy. FAC might be worth a shout though. Watching us this Season, even in the run to respectabilty is actually quite frustrating and close to being a bit boring in truth, such is the ineptitude of too many players. The festive games have highlighted it badly. As you say, we wont and dont have the cash to buy the quality we lack. Its a case of making do and accepting 'ordinary'. Its a bit like the mid 80s.

  8. mitch

    Jan 06, 2012, 11:37 #16604

    why dont we concentrate on the positives in our squad right now for once. I am getting pretty bored of reading about how bad individuals are and the mistakes thier making. Ok some players are not good enough or should be demoted from first 11 to squad but in essence the squad at arsenal right now isnt as bad as people make out. a fit back four contains Verminator (a fantastic centre back who encapsulates everything we want in a defender) Sagna (Name me a better right back in th EPL) KOS (one of only two arsenal players in the EPL 11 at xmas and on current form could fit in any top four team). So that leaves left back where i feel were a bit week. Mertesacker and Djourou, Gibbs as subs doesnt sound so bad. Take utd for instance, would you rather have evans and smalling? In the midfield we have strong, quick ball holders. Song has been brilliant and in a Chelsea shirt people would have been raving about him. Rambo & Arteta are good ball holders and work hard, Wilshere is the creative outlet. so what do we need to compete? a goalscorer from the midfield is required...drop walcott to the bench? sell arsh? promote ox? So far as manager i want a goal scoring midfielder and a left back Now for the final area of the pitch where we flounder. RVP has undoubtably been in brilliant form however he is the only one who is banging in the goals. Any top flight striker however should be converting at this type of rate given the service at Arsenal from the midfield. So we definately need a striker..a poacher..a presence...a name people fear defending. who plays uptop if RVP gets a knock? in summary i think we actually have the basis of a very comparable 11/squad to the other teams challenging for silverwear (citeh excluded). We need three player to join the first 11 to demote a couple of 'senior' players to the bench and truely make a bid for the title. Its clear we dont spend so maybe we should get off Wengers back for a minute and look to the board. left back - Cissohko midfield - Vargas or Kaka striker - huntleer, Podolski, Gomez

  9. Ron

    Jan 06, 2012, 9:59 #16603

    To be honest i think the only 'fixation' with Tottenham amongst honest fans is to say 'well done' to them and Redknapp. I cant stand the Club or many of their supporters, but to take them from where they were when he went there to where they are now is a great achievement. OK it might rest of a few flaky type players who arent that long term at Tottenham, but look at us, we ve had flaky types for years now in far too many positions and are going backwards noticably now, whereas its been masked up to now by the odd excellent player like Fab's who used to carry and disguise the dross. Thats why he left (he got cheesed off with doing it week in, week out) and its why RVP will maybe go too. Credit Tottenham. Theyve been the best team by far for the neutral to watch this Season.

  10. Greg71

    Jan 05, 2012, 22:25 #16601

    The current fixation with the totts being above us in the league and challenging for a champions league place has been compounded by the form of Gallas (when fit ) who was set free to keep Nasri,Adebayor during his usual first season efforts and Parker showing the form that many hoped he would in red and white. Despite all that Harry is not the messiah just yet and only time will tell how and what choices he has to make.

  11. Mandy dodd

    Jan 05, 2012, 22:06 #16600

    Canada, think arry's record usually involves leaving clubs in the lurch when he goes, look at Pompey. Let's see what upcoming trial reveals. Levy may clip his shopaholic tendencies that have caused so many problems for his previous clubs, but can he erase his ....alleged ...past? We shall see. As for defenders, erm...kos and that vermaelen chap look, shall we say reasonable, sagna is one of the best rbs in the league, give per a year before judging, as kos has shown us. The role of our fbs is to attack, that is what they are told to do so judge them accordingly. I would rather have our full defence than that of say Chelsea at the moment.

  12. CanadaGooner

    Jan 05, 2012, 21:17 #16599

    goodness me! one would think Spurs have been winning the premiership year in year out from the comments on here! dont be pathetic people!! What is Harry's record as a manager? an FA Cup at Portsmouth? YES, WENGER needs a rethink, but dont give me the crap about Harry understanding defense - Spurs have conceded 20 goals this season (and only score a few more than Arsenal) and as for Harry having better goalkeepers? dont be silly! Gomez? or the 40+ year old they currently have (Szes has youth on his side and will come good). Some of the comments on here implying Spurs are better off than Arsenal are simply shallow, SHORTSIGHTED and sickening! when Spurs win their first premiership trophy you can begin singing their praises! NOT BEFORE!!!

  13. Mark

    Jan 05, 2012, 21:01 #16597

    we definitely all have the indignity to look forward to of at least 1 if not 2 of man u, spurs, man city or indeed chelsea winning at the emirates and ending our season. man u will need to win it now so it could be them. i then do not see us getting out alive at liverpool. i in fact see 4 or 5 more defeats this season to push us over 10 defeats for a season and 60 points, 65 points if we really excel !

  14. redboy

    Jan 05, 2012, 20:41 #16596

    Dont like to say but rednapp is making wenger look 3rd div 36000 at **** hart lane and he still spends twice a much as wenger and on far better players wake up wenger or please f**k off

  15. Inspector Clueless strikes again

    Jan 05, 2012, 20:40 #16595

    kolo toure was a product of playing alongside campbell, keown, cole and in front of seamen i.e. all GG men. Wenger does not know what a good defender is. never has done and doesnt care either and this is why he will always be a lesser manager than fergy, jose, arry, etc who all enjoy good defending and goalkeeping.

  16. CanadaGooner

    Jan 05, 2012, 18:53 #16592

    to throw in some analysis - Arsenal have only conceded 12 more goals than Man City (and if you take away the 8 we conceded at OT - we've only conceded 4 more goals than Man City) but have scored a STAGGERING 20 goals less, which is why we're so many points behind them. If you set aside the 8 goals we conceded at Man Utd, our defense is exactly as strong as those of Man Utd and Spurs (conceding 20 goals each so far) and BETTER than the chelsea defence (they've shifted 25 goals). And that is with the recurring injuries and several changes to our back 4 (with the same 4 only having appeared a handful of times?) So, before we go around lynching Djourou and making so much noise about the defense, let's get the facts right. Our main problem is the impotent attacking line (with the exception of RVP who also seems to have stalled in recent weeks - perhaps someone should remind him he still has a target of breaking the 36-goal record for a calendar year in 2012 albeit starting from scratch now and beating his 35 in 2011) What I do like about your article though, is that you're focusing attention on the players, which really is where attention should be focused: perhaps stitching a GPS on gerv, walcott and ramsay will help show them where the net is!?

  17. CanadaGooner

    Jan 05, 2012, 17:39 #16589

    Joe, if our supposed 'forward' players (gerv, walcott in particular) can find out where the net is and then show ramsay where it is, we wont spend so much time talking about our defense. everyone's shifting goals (man utd shifted 3 yesterday) and although our defense can be better, i dont think the likes of fulham and wolves have formidable attacking forces.... the continued emphasis on djourou (rubbish as he may be) is as jekyll says above... our attack needs to help. 11 players on the pitch, we can see what the goalie does, we see what our defenders try to do, but all we see going forward is RVP and what he's trying to do (when he fails to score, we only seem to get 1 non-consequential goal and drop several points!).

  18. Joe Fitzpatrick

    Jan 05, 2012, 17:26 #16588

    I think those black scarf fellas were right. Nothing is going to change until the fans at least kick up a bit of a stink. The club has no ambition meaning that we will only decline further and further in terms of percieved "value" in the eyes of sponsors, television and the fans of the future. If the narrowsighted idiots could only see that they could stand to trouser so much more dough if they at least invested a relatively tiny fraction of their fortunes into trying to make arsenal into the modern super club that they promised each and every single one of you.

  19. Gerry

    Jan 05, 2012, 13:56 #16586

    Djourou makes Gus Ceasar look like Beckanbaur and surely he can't even believe that he is getting a first team start for the Arsenal! The standards at this club have fallen so low, that we have become a laughing stock in the eyes of our rivals and our supporters. I personally belive that Wenger has mental problems, because he actually thinks that this squad is good enough to be challenging at the top of the premier league, while even the dogs in the street know that bar TV5, Kos, RVP, Jack and Sagna, the rest would not even get into a championship side. Limitied ability but more disturbing is their lack of effort and how easily they can accept defeat and surrender! Spineless C*nts the lot of them.

  20. DS

    Jan 05, 2012, 13:27 #16583

    Squillaci isn't good enough, that is obvious but Djourou has put in some good performances and has looked the most comfortable of our stand-in RBs so I'm *reasonably* happy having him as 4th choice CB and 3d choice RB. The defence isn't an issue atm, especially given we have 3 top CBs, get in some temporary cover for full back if we can but any investment should be in attack.

  21. Gee

    Jan 05, 2012, 13:14 #16582

    £50m+ sitting in the bank will do nothing for this club. Wenger is waiting to win something on peanuts and say "I Told you so". This will not happen. We have been unlucky having 4 full backs out injured for a lengthy period of time. I would argue at least he has 2 players in each of these positions and Jenkinson and Santos looked like they were starting to show signs of good consistency. However, where other managers will drive teams over the line with that extra player or two to make the difference to get 1st (or in our case 4th), wenger does not. He tries to make do with the absolute bare minimum. I do not understand why doesn't want 16 to 18 players in the squad of quality. He has a first XI that are decent, but the replacements for these are too far from the quality of the first string or just utterly inexperienced. He has no idea how to blend a squad to gether - it's all or nothing

  22. Tony Evans

    Jan 05, 2012, 13:05 #16581

    Too true Joe. I have given up trying to understand Wenger and his seemingly insouciant attitude to the art of defending. Mind you (RVP apart)the other end of the pitch is not too good either. Why do we have to tolerate so many players that time and time again are either complete liabilities or injured or both. I wish I could sit down over a pint with Wenger and try to get some answers out of him. It probably would not be good for my blood pressure though as his post match comments alone make my temperature rise.

  23. Will

    Jan 05, 2012, 13:02 #16580

    You're being too harsh on Djourou. He's an ok back up central defender and but defintely not a right back. You can't complain that he's a crap right back. Harping on about the old days of Adams et al is pointless, those were the days when we had world class players especially defenders. The club is different we are top 6 side at best now, we only have 2 really first class players in RVP and TVM + a few up and coming ones like Jack, Rambo and Chez, after that its mainly dross (Kos and Sagna excepted ).I think our optimism for the team is a triumph of hope over reason. I desperately hope we make the top 4 but logic tells me we will fade, injuries and poor players will do for us in the end. Its speculation I know but although the Boss is stubborn but he is not stupid, he must know we need quality reinforcements badly to maintain any semblence of hope for a top finish but I just don't believe he has the money to spend. He makes a lots of rubbish signings but then so does Ferguson and look at all the players Chelsea and City have bought, most to little effect. At the moment it looks suspciously like he's lost his touch.

  24. Der Projekt ist Kaput

    Jan 05, 2012, 12:52 #16579

    Photo would make a good caption competition: 'Makes a change - usually it's the Arsenal fans being taken for a ride.' 'Direjorhou and Squidlydiddly reaction when asked if they disagreed with long term contracts.'

  25. Ron

    Jan 05, 2012, 12:32 #16578

    Joe - You could take your comparitive player theme to any extent when comparing the current crop to those that went before and i dont just mean defenders either.You could do it with the entire forward and middle pack of lightweights we tolerate today i.e Brady and Eastham and Ball/Rosicky and Song, Wilson and Seaman/Scezney and Co, Baker and Radford and George and Nicholas/ Van Persie/Walcott. You can see the patters and take it to great lengths im sure. Anyone could. The trouble is, Mr Wenger would respond by smugly stating that we also did Hankin, Hawley, Chapman, Mancini, Caton, Furnell and Co and that he merely wants to recreate whats also went before as well. I would say that with this squad hes well on his way to achieving and even surpassing the worst levels of mediocrity we ve experienced with one major caveat, in that in yesteryear we didnt harbour and cosset bottlers and chokers along with the techbically deficient.

  26. Judge Fred

    Jan 05, 2012, 12:20 #16577

    I have given up expecting quality signings. Its never going to happen. We sell our best players and buy-in lesser replacements. This has been the case for years now. We used to challenge for the Premier League title. Then we used to challenge for the top three. Then we used to challenge for the top four. What next - challenging Newcastle and Liverpool for a Europa League place? The decline is factually evident and it hurts like hell.

  27. Unbeaten 03/04

    Jan 05, 2012, 11:38 #16576

    Very True! Arsenal do not need to have major injections but a couple of quality players would do and we should be around the top 2 really!! But not spending that extra money is making a big difference! Ans since when Arsenal go and win the next couple of games all the negative tone changes. We're still as bad and not much has changed. All Fans were saying what if X,Y or Z get injured!!! But truth is only the fans can see that!

  28. Jekyll

    Jan 05, 2012, 11:27 #16575

    The two you mention aren't first 11 players when all fit (ho ho) but they are taking up valuable space in the squad and are likely to cost the team dear whenever they do play. They shouldn't be there, in fact we'd be better off with an unfilled space in the squad as they are actual liabilities - negative equity. They're not the only ones, of course. Wenger isn't looking like such a genius of attacking football at the moment either though. Why hasn't Walcott improved at all in 6 years at AFC? Gervinho has shown why no one else was in for him - he looks potentially dangerous, but his final ball is awful and isn't improving one jot. The 'work it out for yourself' philosophy that was okay for previous generations under Wenger clearly doesn't work with this lot.