Last night against Porto I decided to try something different. I would start by not swearing at the TV when we let in a goal from a corner, no stomping around the living room and kicking furniture when another attack fizzled out after 30 passes getting to the Porto penalty area. No.

Off went the sound and I sat back and decided to admire the silky skills of our three very own pub players... yes I give you the Three Amigos. Eboue, Song and Bendtner (all captain material in the worst ever Arsenal XI), and when you take the heat out of the match and view these luminaries with a jaundiced eye and not blind faith... what belters they are.

I even tried to play devil’s advocate (can we sign him?) with my 15 year old son Tom and argue in favour of them by picking out their good points. Hmmmmm, bit tricky but I gave it my best shot and came up with Eboue has got good speed (he then promptly got blown away in race for the ball from the halfway line) and he did cross the ball for Henry to head the winner against ManUre two years ago. Song is versatile (equally bad in any position) has nice hair and is surely going to come good and start getting ten goals and ten assists from his position as midfield General anytime soon!!!

And finally our very own 'human pinball' Bendtner who has redefined the art of striking by kicking the ball as hard as a shot when he tries to trap it and having absolutely no clue as to what obtuse angle the ball will squirt away from him. But wait I hear you shout, what about his silky skills in front of goal and his masterly one on one finishing as demonstrated in the Burnley match!!

If Arsene Wenger really thinks these three clueless chimps are the best available... I suggest sell Eboue for £1million, Song for £2m and unbelievably Bendtner for £5m and replace them with Gavin McCann for £0.5, Jonathan Spector £0.5 and Carlton Cole £1 mil. I defy anybody to say that these three useless pr*ts would be any worse than our very own Three Amigos - and think of the profit that would be available for Arsene not to spend in the transfer window.