FIFA Ultimate Neuro-Star 2009. Become the world's greatest football player from the comfort of inside your own head! 'It's sensational - I'm now the most gifted striker on the planet!' Nicolas B, London N5.

'Learn to Run' - this year's brilliant self help book published by Bader and Hawking. 'After learning the basics of walking and walking quickly during football matches, I'm ready now to try running!' A. Song, Ashburton Grove.

Nintendo Pass Master. Overcome the complexities of kicking a football in a forward direction for more than three yards without it drifting off the pitch or heading straight to the opposition. 'I can't praise this game highly enough! One day I might try it!' Denil's son, London Colney.

Extend-a-Net. Tired of walking miles to retrieve footballs that have been blasted hopelessly wide of the mark? Then try Extend-a-Net, now all efforts on goal will be caught in the onion bag!
Sizes: 
Shevchenko: 50' x 50' (Width x Height), 
Rebrov: 80' x 50', 
Adebayor: 250 yards x (please specify your local airspace restrictions).

Mundanepoly. The amazing new board game by Myopia. Harbour dreams of taking over the world while being outstripped by more successful businesses due to a continual policy of steadfastly refusing to spend money on desperately needed assets! 'I never knew how much fun you could almost have while being so ordinary!' AW, Barnet.