I’ve tried to fall in love with her, I really have but Madame Emirates is breaking my heart. Four times now I’ve turned up for our date and four times I’ve stood on the ‘cannons roundabout’ and marvelled at her exterior beauty, all curvy and classy, modern and seductive. Yet four times she has left me cold and sad once I’ve ventured into her inner sanctum. It’s not the football – wins and ruthlessness will come eventually – it’s everything else.

The intimidation factor : The seats and fans are simply just too far from the pitch – there is a huge disconnect between what is happening on the pitch and what is being felt in the stands. We are spectators now not participators. Dein and Wenger stated on many occasions that it was crucial to try and preserve the closeness of the fans to the players – what on Earth happened! It can’t be the capacity to blame – Bayern Munich’s new stadium holds more fans and has them intimidatingly close to the pitch. In fact the whole ground has a spacious, airy feel – great for a sports stadium but not a football stadium.

Shades of grey: For Gods sake cover all the grey concrete encircling the interior with some colour or signs or something – it’s ghastly and there’s loads of it.

What’s happened to the past? : Arsenal fans felt a special affinity with Highbury – the marble halls, the grand entrance, the concierge, the Clock End clock – we were told that the things that make Arsenal unique would be preserved and celebrated. Where are they? Where’s the focal point of a grand entrance? Stuffed out of site in some underground car park, that’s where – great planning, great thinking – I don’t think two cannons in front of ‘The Armoury’ will compensate somehow.

Who are these people! : It really is driving me tourettes bonkers now – yes I know that we have had to find an extra 22,000 paying fans but bloody hell they are useless. These ‘tourist fans’ start to leave the action in their droves ten minutes before half time to grab their bloody burger and drink, and don’t return until five minutes into the second half. Consequently TH14 and the boys trundle off for their cuppa to a half empty stadium and sprint out for the second half into a mass of empty seats – I bet that’s a motivational experience. And don’t start me about club level – the whole bloody tier disappears for 25 minutes – can we not just lock the bloody doors or make people just stay in their seats until the whistle goes.

Bog Standard : What’s happened to the facilities? – the toilets are literally crap – the shops, amenities, space (certainly for the lower tiers) are very disappointing – sub North Bank concourse quality. Did we just run out of money or was it a rush job? I thought Arsenal was all about class and professionalism not mediocrity.

There and back – a Gooner’s tale : What a shambles the transport and travel is now. When was the last time the Piccadilly line to Arsenal was actually working properly? You’d have thought that everyone involved would have prepared adequately for the increase in attendance. The queues are horrendous at Arsenal and I’ve added nearly two hours onto my round trip to see Madame Emirates. Make it easier not harder.

Is it love? : Unfortunately I can’t see my relationship with Madame Emirates making it through the hard times. I think that we are already starting to grow apart – there are just too many obstacles in our way, just too many things that annoy me about her now – you promised me something greater, better, deeper but I feel strangely unsatisfied and empty – maybe it’s time to just move on.