For years the people of Hull have been confused as to what causes the mysterious landform known as Spurn Head at the mouth of the Humber estuary.

The conventional theory is that the three mile long sand spit is created when material is eroded from the soft rock of the Holderness cliff face and then washes down the coastline, accumulating in the relatively placid waters where the Humber meets the North Sea.

But a locally based academic claims to have witnessed the real cause of the spit. Dr Brown, who has a PhD in Allardycian Tangometry from Hull Polytechnic, says that while taking a walk, alone, late, on Tuesday evening, with nobody else around, in a nearby park, which he often frequents for his specialised activities, he saw a vessel of Spanish origin dumping various materials close to Horton Point on the East Riding coastline.

"I couldn't believe it when I saw it" he says. "This boat, for starters it shouldn't even be in the sea because of the way it was painted. I am sure there is an ancient maritime code that says Spanish showboats, especially the one I saw that was covered in all sorts of flags and leather rigging, like some sort of S&M disco-boat, shouldn't be allowed in our hallowed British waters."

He then went on to say that he was disgusted with what he saw.

"I'm the same as anyone else, I like wasting a bit of time of a Tuesday evening at the closest available park, but when I saw that spit, and that Spanish showboat, I put two and two together"

The vessel belongs to the RCN Venn Group, a conglomerate of London based craft specialising in destroying out-dated and lumbering British ships with its specialised and low-budget fleet. A spokesman last night claimed that although it is not company policy to track all boats all the time, he was adamant that Dr Brown's claims must be false.

"I have not seen this Spit. We are not engaged in these sorts of practices. We were in operations last night to destroy a boat from Hull that is not suited to our waters and made persistent threats to return to London in May. Yes this specific Spanish vessel was meant to stay in harbour as it has been off for maintenance because of small holes in the mainbrace, but it is not the kind of boat to do these things. I have met Dr Brown many times and have to admit that he is a raving fantasist whose orange complexion I find strangely alluring."

When GPS satellite data suggested that this boat was nowhere in the vicinity of Horton Point at that time, Brown offered an alternative explanation.

"It is clear that this Spit arose from reckless offloading of offensive material in the Humber tunnel. This then washed down the river and settled where we see it today, in the general direction of Horton Point. It definitely washed in his direction, I saw it, I saw it happen."

Extensive analysis of Dr Brown's account suggests that there are a few holes in his theory. Firstly, video footage from Saint Anter's College of Journalism reveals that Dr Brown was seen to be 'smirking callously' as he watched a gang of men clad in orange and black clothing nonchanantly taunting a group of young boys playing in the park by not kicking their ball back to them over a prolonged period preceding his witnessing of the alleged dumping. Furthermore although there was a nearby group of 60,000 people gathered for a spellbinding performance of the Russian State Circus and extensive CCTV coverage over the park, nothing was witnessed by anyone.

The RCN Venn Group later stated that although they have been subject to allegations of illegal dumping on some old German colonies, evidence has proved inconclusive.

The Fisheries Association (FA) has decided that the whole affair is ridiculous and is awaiting reports from a Mackerel-E boat that was in the area at the time, and whose own erratic behaviour was causing problems that are believed to be related to irregular semaphore signals emanating from the coastline that caused a French vessel to divert 'a white spherical object' into netting moments before the alleged dumping took place.

The mystery continues...