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Dear Phil Brown/Orange/Mahogany,

Back in September when Hull beat Arsenal 2-1 I was annoyed, but not as annoyed as I normally am whenever Arsenal lose to a bunch of primitive thugs whose tactics are maim first, try and play football later. Given that you learnt your trade from Fat Sam, the king of medieval tactics, I thought Hull would be similar to Blackburn or Bolton. I was wrong. Hull played a good game, passed the ball well and as Hull didn't try 48,876,545 different ways of maiming Arsenal players I thought fair play to you. You came to Ashburton Grove and outplayed Arsenal at their own game and no one had any complaints about that. I even warmed to Hull with the way they played and held their own in the early stages. If another Championship team was going to break into the Premiership I was glad it was a team that didn't resort to Fat Sam's way of doing things. After seeing the way you dealt with your players at the Man City game I'm sure I was in a non-critical minority - there have been times when I wished Wenger would have done the same thing with some of the prima donnas in our squad.

Then the other night changed that and your interview with 5 Live was laughable. You paused like a liar would pause when asked if anyone else was present that witnessed the incident. And having attended the game I know that Wenger didn't get Myhill booked, Myhill got himself booked for taking an eternity over every single goal kick. In the time he took over taking them, Myhill could have come up with answers to all of life's difficult questions - Why does Communism work in theory but not in practice? Why are we here? Is there a God? How can I, the Hull City keeper, singlehandedly solve the current global economic crisis and bring peace to The Middle East? And so on. It's amazing that he didn't get booked earlier and had the game been refereed by someone who is capable of refereeing a football match instead of Mike Riley then he could have easily got a second yellow for his persistent timewasting.

You also claimed that Wenger never shook your hand after any of the three games this season when there is clear evidence to the contrary. Fair enough, you were justifiably p*ssed off by Gallas' winner and if the shoe was on the other foot I'd be annoyed too but there's no need to blame Wenger for everything. You also complained about us, the Arsenal fans, for heckling your side and the referee. I'm probably guilty as charged on both counts but this is what happens at a football match and your sort always like to make out that there is no atmosphere or passion with us southern softies in our shiny new stadium. But Tuesday night wasn't bad for a bunch of southern softies was it? And we haven't even got to the claims of Fabregas spitting at your number 2 (I bet being manager makes a nice change from being Fat Sam's little bitch, eh?).

Typically, The Daily Mail has your back but that's only because of your passport. They are taking the 'Stout, honest, courageous English yeoman is assaulted by Evil Johnny Foreigner' angle as you would expect from a bunch of Nazi-sympathising, nationalistic fascists like The Mail.

They ignored your bullsh*t about Wenger not shaking hands with you like they would do (truth is a dirty word in their vocabulary) and have assumed your words as gospel, so well done in getting them on your side. They even go through Cesc's previous niggly encounters and don't touch on the more mature, experienced and more English Frank Lampard getting involved in the 2007 Carling Cup fight, nor do they question Blackburn's 'physical' style of play when Cesc had a pop at Mark Hughes in a balanced and articulated argument.

When Vieira was physical he was a dirty Arsenal player managed by a fellow dirty foreigner whereas if it's a team with a British manager or a British player commits a dirty challenge it's OK because it's physical. So well done for convincing them Phil, it must have been so hard to win them over.

Anyone who's listened to your interview (even my United-supporting flatmate who believes you) on 5 Live can pick holes in what you're saying and what relevance Cesc's clothes were is beyond me. He doesn't go around slagging off that ridiculous fake tan you insist on applying, so why comment on his dress sense? I know life is tough for you right now. Things were easier earlier in the season when there was less expectation and things were rosy but now you've lost it, your team's in freefall and your interview on 5 Live is comparable to the famous Keegan rant from 1996. It smacks of desperation, as does the accusation.

You've already lied about Wenger and whether he did or didn't shake your hand and getting Myhill booked so excuse me if I'm a little skeptical about an incident which no-one else saw or has come forward about. If there was such a confrontation there would have probably been people either trying to intervene or just watching for a laugh at least. In short, yes, I am questioning your integrity. You'll get the backing of the English old-boy networks including your Walrus-faced mentor et al and good for you. But the fact you were clutching at straws over Cesc's fashion sense along with the infamous interview and complete lack of evidence/witnesses does lead me to believe that you have lost it big time.

Hope you enjoy being back in The Championship next season.

Regards,

A. Gooner