I just don't know where to begin. I feel if I start unleashing my feelings on this I might crack up, maybe do something stupid. There is a week to go before the season tickets deadline expires and I am in a genuine dilemma. Do I renew?

The logistics of it aren't easy, but we always find a way around the problem. To and from Devon via Ashburton Grove can pose some difficult problems when you don't drive, but the latest problem I can’t solve alone. I need the entire stadium to solve it. I fear Arsene doesn't love the club like he used too, and I feel a section of the fans are the cause.

I am worried as life without Arsene is something I didn't want to have to think about for a good number of years, but it feels we are pushing him away and making the moment of an Arsene-less Arsenal ever closer. I know we haven't won anything for a few years, but I am old enough to remember a pre-Arsene, and a pre-Graham era, and I count my lucky stars where we are today.

We seem as a crowd to have lost our way, we don't seem to 'support' anymore, we seem to be demanding all the time, and that approach will end in tears.

For example, I know Eboue isn't what we need, but he tried 100 times harder than Van Persie. Bendtner may not be the finished deal and he makes a bundle of mistakes, but he chases the ball, he gets tackles in, and he tries to do the job he's employed to do, unlike Adebayor who is offside more than anyone I have ever known and looks astonished every time the flag goes up, then saunters back to the centre circle, sulking.

I want the players that try to be encouraged, and for the ones that don't, let’s stay silent, not boo. Let’s tell Arsene how much he means to us, and let’s tell him all the time.

I don't want to question my season ticket purchase because of a fear of implosion within, but right now, I’m a frightened Gooner.