10,000 Arsenal wannabes will walk out of a match with 10 minutes still to play. The remaining fans will flood message boards with comments such as 'feck off to Tottenham you unappreciative twats'.

Tottenham Hotspur will not, repeat not, break into the top four this coming season. Shock, horror, exclusive!

Alan Green will host a radio phone-in programme that will get on fans' tits. These annoyed fans will however continue to listen to him because they are all mad.

An old man with a Scottish accent and a purple nose will refuse to communicate with a particular TV channel next season.

Arsenal will get a seriously crap draw in the Champions League preliminary games. Platini will try not to laugh.

An important Arsenal first team player will be injured whilst on international duty.

The top four clubs of the Premiership will remain the top four clubs of the Premiership.

Owen Hargreaves will not play a full season due to injury.

A Frenchman in a press conference at The Arsenal will not be saying 'I thought Eboue played like a pile of crap so I took him off'.