North London 2, City of Liverpool 0. North London wins 8-2 on aggregate. Any fan upset at being coupled with the Totts - and at their deserved victory - is letting commendable life-long loathing take precedence over pragmatism. Their hearts are ruling their heads. Alan Hansen's tip for Premier League glory lost just twice last season, remember. Be careful what you wish for, fellow Gooners. Besides, an old joke comes to mind. A masochist and a sadist are talking. The masochist implores: "Beat me, beat me". The sadist retorts: "No!" What could be more tortuous for a Spud than to receive support - patronage, if you will - from their nemesis?

So, what was your favourite back-page pun headline in your favourite Sunday rag, then? Two oft-used allusions to Dr Alex Comfort's liberating masterpiece were predictable. For me it was a toss-up between 'The Joy of Cesc' and 'The Joy of Six'; six of one, half-a-dozen of t'other, so to speak. And to think that I passed up an opportunity to join the travelling Gooners, preferring instead to honour a promised weekend visit to my nearest and dearest; an act of folly I will hopefully one day rue even more than missing our 5-1 League Cup demolition of Wolves, when Cesc scored his first goal. I hope to cash in these familial brownie points when the season reaches its, err, climax.

Reduced to listening to that dimwit Alan Green, I had the not unpleasant experience of hearing him eat metaphorically a large slice of humble pie at 5-0, having earlier opined that Arsenal lacked a cutting edge. Prat.

The last time the two teams 'shared' seven goals, David Moyes encouraged his charges to "enjoy" their final visit to Highbury, having secured Champions League qualification. "Champions League, you're 'aving a larf," we all sang, but, incredibly, come end-of-season there was excessive fawning over Moyes' limited achievements. Nobody bothered to examine the league table's 'GD' column, which showed Everton had scored just one more goal than they'd conceded. Madness, but a reminder that if you want to hide something, put it where everyone can see it. Moyes has taken Everton as far as he can. He knows it, and so does Bill Playwright. Ditto Martin O'Neill and Randy Lerner at Villa, who have been in free-fall since coming within a minute of extending their lead over us to eight points on 1st March. Unlike Citeh, Villa cannot buy a win.

Arsene employed his usual economy of words post-match, observing: "We were non-competitors, now we are superheroes. Two extremes!" And this in his umpteenth language and in stark contrast to the native Mike Bassetts, who never use one word when ten will do. Translated into everyday English: get back from the ledge, enjoy a six-pack if you must, but keep the champagne on ice.