I just sent this email to UEFA, soon to be read by a computer and responded to in a nice automated way. Anyway, I thought there was a chance readers may want to see it:

To whom it may concern,

In light of the charges laid at the ground of Eduardo Da Silva from Wednesday night's game between Arsenal and Celtic, I very much look forward to the investigation of the following players' conduct in relation to Article 10, para 1c of the UEFA disciplinary regulations from previous UEFA Champions League matches:

Mutu
Gilardino
Drogba
Anelka
Shevchenko
J Cole
Kalou
Deco
Ballack
Lampard
A Cole
Belleti
Eboue
Torres
Riera
Babel
Benayoun
Kuyt
Gerrard
Lucas
Aurelio
Bridge
Wright Phillips
Adebayor
Robinho
Rooney
Berbatov
Owen
Anderson
Nani
Pato
Inzaghi
Zambrotta
Ronaldinho
Ambrosini
Pirlo
Borriello
Victor Valdes
Alves
Puyol
Ibrahimovic
Demichelis
Ribery
Robben
van Bommel
Klose
Schweinsteiger
Stankovic
Quaresma
Maicon
Materazzi
Mancini
Sneijder
Hulk
Meireles
Salihamidzic
Iaquinta
Del Piero
Amauri
Camoranesi
Giovinco
Sissoko
Diego
Kallstrom
Lopez
Govou
Cissokho
Pepe
Ramos
Raul
Kaka
Ronaldo
Diarra
Marcelo
Guti
van Nistelrooy
Higuain
van der Vaart
Adriano
Fabiano
Renato
Capel
Chevanton
Navas

I am sorry to only list the most notable offenders but I do not have the resources of your own disciplinary panel. Nevertheless I have full confidence in your abilities to charge all of the above players, as you have Eduardo. 'Simulation' has become one of the principle scourges of football and I believe all fans around the world deplore it. I am therefore delighted that you are taking such strong action across the board in all UEFA sanctioned matches. Please keep up the good work and rid football of this disease.

Yours sincerely,

Tom Harbord