Happy New Year, one and all. Ex Gooner Abu Ogogo, now captain of League 2 Dagenham & Redbridge, did not enjoy his New Year, though. As on December 1st, he put through his own net; another Ogogo OG, no less! On 12th January, I saw him score an equaliser at the right end as the mighty Daggers beat Rochdale 2-1, courtesy of a winner deep into Fergie-time. I remember Ogogo as a left-back but he’s moved to central midfield. Dagenham’s current LB is Gavin Hoyte.

The next time Arsenal win a league match despite yet another display of hapless defending, you can amuse your Gooner mates by describing the performance as Chris Huhnesque. Answering quizzical looks, say that Arsenal tried to give away the three points but were ultimately unsuccessful. “We got out of jail”, you may wish to add in an apparent ad lib (geddit?). Last season, such was the doom and gloom that many predicted Arsenal would be relegated, a full 15 places below our eventual third or, given that it was Olympics year, should I say the bronze medal position (trophy)? Unlike Huhne, Arsenal are not going down.

Huhne was beaten to the Lib Dumb leadership by Thick Clegg, a mere 500 votes separating these two political pygmies. Clegg is sending the fruits of his loins to a fee-paying school but denies hypocrisy. It was all his lovely wife’s idea and, as befits a man who has bedded 30+ women, or so he claims, he just couldn’t say no. Another case of innocence due to marital coercion?

Stuart Pearce wants to take Jack and The Ox to the Under-21 Euros in Israel. Hopefully Roy Hodgson will overrule Psycho’s psychosis.

Lots of talk these days of Laurent Koscielny’s predilection for a most Unholy Trinity: red cards, penalties and Ogogos conceded. Laurent’s worst OG never gets mentioned, predictably. Last year the official website showed him fawning all over Francois Hollande, the new socialist president of his native France, a man who hates the rich and despises the likes of Koscielny for moving abroad in preference to paying tax at the penal (geddit?) rate of 75% back home. Rather than deferentially shaking Hollande’s hand, our CB should have stuck to his gunners and wrestled him to the ground.

Hollande’s self-defeating policy led to a crowded Eurostar last month as Premier League wannabies left Gare du Nord to begin the first leg of their journey to Newcastle. Didn’t Alan Pardew once criticise Arsene for fielding too many Frenchmen?

China sent a monkey into space. Answering to the name of Gareth, the primate was returned unharmed to his cage in N17, though how long he’ll remain happy in such a confined environment is vexing many of the local community.