Fozzy 
This match was an unexpected treat for me in so many ways. Following our defeat to Totterington at their grim place back at the beginning of last March, any chance of us pinching the coveted fourth place trophy was going to resemble being the first to reach the top of a very big mountain. As luck would have it, and with a plentiful supply of ropes, pulleys, carabineers and crampons, we just about made it to the summit before that other lot from down the road. The last two months of the season were not good for my blood pressure, which has only just returned to normal following our usual summer of inactivity.
Our plum Champions League qualifier against the Turks had two distinct advantages. Firstly, we were drawn away in the first leg, which meant that I wasn’t going to miss out on any live action. Having booked a holiday last week I was able to watch the game in Spanish as the sole viewer in a La Gomera beach bar. An interpreter wasn’t required for me to realise that both Happy Jack and Orville Cazorla were still both well off the pace. And as for Walnutt, having had to suffer watching him for the past seven years, I remain convinced that for most of the time he is completely useless. I wish he’d stick to motor racing where he’s been far more successful.
The second distinct advantage was being able to look forward to the return leg and greet a couple of old adversaries, namely that loathsome Kuyt who, for many years, was a regular dismal Scouser and to whom I took an instant dislike. A win double comes in the form of Kuyt’s Neanderthal mate Meireles, who possessed two bits of bad blood, by not only being a Scouser, but also an Odious Chav, thus making him very much a thug in wolf’s clothing. Being able to stand for the whole match near the front of Block 5, this gave me ample opportunity for offering regular comment and cheery waves.
The match itself was a rather regulation affair which seemed to start with as many empty seats as people inside the stadium. However, more concerning was watching Monreal giving a good impression of Fatty Santos defending and Sagna constantly drifting out right. For most of the first half, our goal frame became our best defender until BFG Motorcycle took control. Clumsey took his two goals well. Alarm bells started ringing when he hobbled off just before the end as we could do with him being patched up for the Totts game as he’s clearly our best performing midfielder this season. As for Podolski, he busted a gut chasing a ball right at the start of the second half and ended up leaving the field on a stretcher. Surely, with our vast array of trainers and physios, somebody would have thought about getting the players properly warmed up for impending action.
Yet again, attention now shifts to which teams come out of the hat along with The Arse for Thursday’s group stage. Olympiakos, Basel and Napoli anyone?
(Ed’s note – Will post an online ed on last night’s match later this afternoon. It has been one of those days here at Gooner Towers, so apologies about later than normal posting)
