Layth Yousif
I love football me. Big Spurs Fan.
Are you?
Yes. Can’t wait to play at the Olympic Stadium.
But you’re not. You lost the bid.
Did we? But I thought we bugged the -
That’s enough.
Sorry. Where is the ground then?
White Hart Lane.
But we’ve got one there already. Why do we need another one?
For Champions League Football.
But we’re not in the Champions League. We finished fifth.
Exactly.
Although I do recall White Hart Lane celebrating Newcastle’s equaliser against Arsenal that meant we moved up to fourth on the last day of the season.
So do I.
Bah. Anyway we still have glorious memories of the night we beat Inter Milan, when Gareth Bale scored that hattrick in the San Siro.
You lost the game 4-3.
Did we? Funny I don’t seem to remember that.
Nor do many other Spurs fans.
But the Champions League needs us. Jose Mourinho told us that when we played at the Bernabeu.
Just after they beat you 4-0.
You’re just bitter cos you’re not in the Champions League.
We are. And have been for the last 16 seasons.
But you haven’t won it like Chelsea.
Ahh Chelsea. The poor relations of London. A club without a history.
At least that’s one thing we can agree on. I must say I’m looking forward to seeing Gareth Bale play this weekend.
He’s not playing.
Why?
He’s got a buttock injury. And he’s sulking because he wants to go to the Bernabeu.
But he went when we lost 4-0.
He wants to play there.
I suppose that would be a first.
So, about Bale…
Yes, he’s a Tottenham legend. At least he’ll knuckle down and give his all unless Daniel Levy decides to sell him for the highest price.
Well actually he’s sulking and not talking to anyone to try and engineer a move.
That’s nonsense. Who told you that?
AVB.
Who?
Andre Villa Boas. Your manager.
Harry’s not there anymore then?
No he left the summer after his court case.
For England?
No QPR.
Oh.
What do you think of Adebayor?
Adebayor. Hate the Arsenal ****. Lazy, mercenary, only plays well till he’s signed a long term contract.
He plays for you.
Does he?
After he signed a four year deal for £12 million on £80,000 a week plus substantial signing on fee.
But I thought Daniel Levy had a reputation of being a tough negotiator.
That’s what you tell us. Continually.
Oh well. At least we’ve got our glorious history. Unlike Arsenal or Chelsea.
Actually Arsenal have won the league at White Hart Lane as many times as Spurs.
But we’ve always had a history of glorious players and attacking football.
Was it under Doug Livermore?
Who?
Used to be Spurs manager. Along with Ray Clemence in 1992. And with Trevor Hartley in 1987.
Oh. Talking of 1987 didn’t we get to Wembley that year?
You did. Chas n Dave brought out a single for the 1987 Cup Final called ‘Hot Shot Tottenham’. One of the lines was ‘Seven times we won the cup/Now number eight is coming up’. It didn’t. You lost to Coventry City.
Still. The kit was good that year wasn’t it. Sponsored by Holtsen Pils as well.
Well to a point. Only half the team wore tops with the sponsor’s name on. The kit man was sacked soon after.
Was it Trevor Hartley?
Stop it.
Anyway I thought David Pleat was manager at Wembley?
He was. He only left after he appeared on the front page of the Sun with the headline ‘Spurs Boss Caught Kerb Crawling’.
At least we are a honourable institution who is a real community neighbour to the residents of N17.
Well up to a point.
What do you mean?
Haringey council has agreed to drop the original provision for affordable homes contained within the £400 million regeneration plans for the new Stadium and surrounding area. Their planning committee gave the green light to amended plans for the Northumberland Development Project submitted by Tottenham Hotspur. Under section 106 agreements in the original proposals, the regeneration would have provided 200 new homes – 100 of which would be ‘affordable’. This was subsequently ditched and the new outline planning application proposed 285 flats – all for sale on the open market.
Who cares about the locals. They’ll only be smashing up the area soon.
They did. In 2011. As a protest against the dichotomy between between a rich football club on the doorstep of one of the most socially deprived areas in the UK.
Just proves are fans are harder than yours.
That’s what it’s all about isn’t it.
Well at least Spurs are a dignified football club.
Well up to a point.
Here we go again. What do you mean?
During the immortal Littlewoods League Cup Semi Final of 1987 at White Hart Lane, when Arsenal were one nil down at half time the man on the Spurs tannoy announced how Tottenham fans could purchase their cup final tickets. Arsenal won 2-1. Spurs fans may deny this. But it is true. I was there and heard it with my own ears.
Pah! That’s ancient history. Not like Gazza scoring that free kick against you at Wembley in 1991. There’s nothing you can say to that is there?
You’re right. He was on fire that day. But I do still have a t-shirt with a picture of Justin Edinburgh crying inconsolably after the 1993 FA Cup Semi Final defeat to the Gunners at Wembley a mere two years later.
Not interested. Anyway, we’ve always been a progressive club. Alan Sugar said so.
Was that before he passed on signing Denis Bergkamp, preferring instead to berate a mythical player known as Carlos Kick-a-ball?
Look. He’s an astute businessman. And he never gets fleeced.
What about the £2 million compensation package he had to pay Christian Gross after he sacked him only months into the job.
Who?
Christian Gross. You know. Came with a big reputation to his first press conference at Tottenham. He also came by tube. Talked of Harry Hotspur. And jealousy. Well we thought it was the word jealousy. What he was actually saying was Chelsea. Who he lost to 6-1. In his first game. At White Hart Lane.
£2million is petty cash to a man like Sir Alan.
Talking of petty cash. Do you remember when Manu Petit talked to Spurs out of courtesy? And then got Spurs to pay for a cab out of petty cash straight to Arsenal where he signed immediately?
No.
What about us giving you David Bentley, Rohan Ricketts, Jamie O’Hara and Terry Neill as manager.
And who have we given you?
Sol Campbell. Who won the league twice with the double in 2002.
Ha! That’s ages.
Almost as long as 1961.
I’m sorry?
Don’t apologise it’s not your fault.
What, on being a Spurs fan? Never. “Ohhhhh wheeeeennnnn da Spuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrssss goooooo maaaaaaaarching iiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn……”
Follow Layth on Twitter@laythy29
