Ian Tanner
Six days you shall labour, but on the seventh day you shall watch England v Turkey. And for me, it was the opposite of Commentator’s Curse, when a pundit praises a team or individual, only for them to fail spectacularly, albeit usually briefly. Having just written A Fox in the Box, featuring serial diver Jamie Vardy, it was an “I told you so” moment as I basked in the glory of my 5.6/10 rating, more than double what I’m used to receiving for my heretical offerings.
City AM, the finance-based weekday London freebie, is not known for its sports coverage. Therein, Frank Dalleres on Monday stated: “… having got in front of Mehmet Topal, ran across the centre-back in the manner he [Vardy] perfected last season and succeeded in tangling with him sufficiently to earn a penalty.” Even ever-partisan Ian Wright, Wright, Wright couldn’t bring himself to call it a spot-kick. Nuff said. Enjoy your nuptials, Jamie, but don’t go down too soon.
Some Arsenal fans protested thrice at the recent home game against Norwich City: after 12 and 78 minutes and at full-time. The first two references were to the dozen years since we last won the league. If Spurs fans were similarly disposed – unlikely, I know, as I keep hearing what a tremendous season they’ve enjoyed – they’d have to get out their calculators unless they can still use an abacus or slide rule (both were more common in 1961) – to protest after 55 minutes and, wait a minute, or twenty, on 35 minutes. Imagine, it’s 2059, fifty-five years since The Invincibles delivered our last league title. Kind of puts things into perspective, doesn’t it?
Danny Welbeck’s Valentine’s Day last-gasp winner was a hug-a-stranger moment if ever there was one. 1-0 down, 2-1 up. On that occasion, Vardy ran into our left-back, Nacho Monreal, and succeeded in tangling with him sufficiently to earn a penalty. Danny’s celebrations led to the inevitable booking. But why? He didn’t remove his shirt. If he’s guilty of mixing with us mere mortals, then surely most of our outfielders should also have seen yellow, including Aaron Ramsey, who had already been booked. If only the scorer is to be punished, what happens if players celebrate similarly an ‘own goal’? As for Arsenal’s equaliser at the FA Cup Final a mere decade after Spurs’ most recent Championship, well, perhaps we’d better not go there.
Last Friday I went to The Den for the second leg of Millwall v Bradford City. The 1-1 draw saw Millwall progress to Wembley 4-2 on aggregate. Knowing I was at the game, a Gooner mate texted: TalkSport say Millwall fans throwing things at Bradford fans. Pathetic.
Me: They are and they are.
Gooner Mate: They are through, so why?
Me: Because they can.
This is also the answer to an old joke: why do dogs lick their balls?
