Footballers are an ungracious lot. I don't know why we bother with them. One of the most irritating things about them is the way they love to point the finger of blame at everybody else, apart from themselves. This becomes particularly apparent as soon as they look to change clubs. Instead of being honest and saying "Look, I'm getting a bit past my shelf life here, and some other club, awash with TV money, has decided to offer me a fat contract, which no-one in their right mind would refuse,'' they instead insult your intelligence by coming out with 57 different varieties of sh*t.

The most popular ones used at Arsenal at the moment are, the relative inexperience of the squad, the club’s reluctance to p*ss good money up the wall on 'names', and a perceived lack of ambition on the part of the directors, i.e. if you surrounded me with great players instead of kids, all would be OK at Arsenal.

Scapegoating on an almost breathtaking scale. Also complete and utter sh*t. They forget to mention that they were young players at the club once themselves, and only got to where they are now, by virtue of Wenger's policy of persevering with them. Also would they have been quite happy if these 'experienced' players had actually kept them out of the side? Of course, they'd have been absolutely thrilled and marched into Arsene's office to thank him.

You can almost put up with this nonsense, however, because they're on their way out. What isn't acceptable is when you get this crap from players who are still plying their trade at the club.

Now, I'm not sure what William Gallas has got written in his job description, but I wouldn't mind betting it's got the word defender in there somewhere. Bearing in mind he gets a bit picky when asked to play at full back, he may even have the words ‘centre half’. It could even be in his passport.

Now call me an old time romantic (you're an old time romantic!), but aren't centre halves those big ugly blokes with huge foreheads, whose main job it is, is to head the ball? The names Adams and Bould spring to mind. Apparently not. I've been wrong all these years. It's Just William's job to tell Arsene Wenger how to manage, and Messrs Edelman and Fiszman how to run financial affairs. This can only mean he's either been taking a few evening courses instead of putting his feet up, or he's been playing on his computer again, and has decided he's got this management malarkey sussed.

I'm sorry Billy-boy, but you've got ideas above your Playstation. The next time one of the opposition hit a high ball into the box, it's your job to get your skinny arse off the deck and head the ball. That is why you are paid exorbitant amounts of money. We don't want a press conference or a union meeting. We don't require your theories on religion, or your plans for third world debt, we just want to see you win the ball. If you're still unsure, have another look at your job description and have a few words with that nice Martin Keown. He'll soon set you straight.