It can be revealed today that Sir Alex Ferguson suffered a terrible physical attack last Monday at Euston station.

His horrific ordeal began when he was approached by a slightly tipsy man who offered Ferguson £2.68 for the debt ridden club he manages and then prodded him in the legs with a half eaten kebab. Sir Alex then fell to the floor in apparent agony, rolled around for a while until the police arrived and then winked to the assembled crowd after getting to his feet. Doctor Sandwiche-Prawnn, speaking from the recently up for sale Glazer Clinic in Harley Street announced: 'I can confirm that we are treating a 92 old man for Blue Vein Beak Disorder and for condiment stains to both shins.'

A Scotland Yard spokesperson said yesterday: 'What makes this onslaught all the more shocking is that it occurred in London - the heartland of Manchester United support. Honestly, when we heard , we didn’t know what to think. A bit like all our investigations, really.'

A 40 year old man has been charged with 'Cheering up the country considerably'.