With deep regret Tattenham have announced that Martin Jol has called it a day after bringing so much glory to Tattenham.

In an official statement, Mr. Jol said, 'I have freely volunteered my resignation after Mr. Levy demanded it upon the final whistle against Arsenal. I shall never forget my time at Light Weight Lane and will fondly recall the marvellous words of encouragement from so many of you. In particular, I will remember all the letters I received with a London N5 post code that practically begged me to stay forever at Spuds so I could continue my many accomplishments.'

In these the most turbulent of times for Tattenham, it may be as good an opportunity as any to provide a selection of career histories of some of those who have held the helm at Spuds:

Terry Vegetables.
'El Veg' was instantly offered stewardship of Tattenham when he arrived back from Spain flushed with success after winning the prestigious Tournamento de Torrelominos Municipales. This gruelling marathon for the local U-11's school teams comprised of 2 matches, each lasting an exhausting 20 minutes. 'People maintain that this Tournament means nothing', Vegetables said famously. 'But I reckon it means at least double that.' Unfortunately, El Veg was sacked just before his 34th game in charge after being repeatedly warned about his insistence of manning cash-only turnstiles on match days which subsequently recorded dramatic falls in normal takings.

Record: P33 W0 D0 L33 F0 A721

Lee Harvey 'Ossie' Oswald.
Regarded as being somewhat of a loner, Ossie took up his position apparently unnoticed by any bystanders. When responding to critics who questioned his tactics, Ossie would reply that he had a simple philosophy: "Always aim for the target man". Eventually sacked after a sustained run of defeats, Ossie claimed he was being used by the board as 'a patsy' and many observers since have suggested there ought to have been a closer investigation into the strange relationship between the manager and Sicilian striker Grassi Noll.

Record: P Classified W Classified D Classified L Classified F Classified A965

Wedge Graham.
The appointment of Wedge was criticised by a small minority of Spud's fans. Huge banners draping the stadium proclaiming the messages 'F**k Off Graham!' and 'We're Going To Kill You And Yours!' were dismissed as being merely 'high jinks' by the Tattingham chairman speaking from within his armoured car. Wedge was eventually sacked after the teams' predictable poor run of form and his reluctance to leave a cash-only turnstile on match days. 'Och, what's the problem?' Wedge was overheard as saying. 'My mate Terry said this was one of the perks.'

Record: P20 W0 D0 L20 F0 A354

Christian Dross.
Poor Christian wandered around lost on the London tube network for 3 days after landing at Heathrow, eventually arriving at Light Weight Lane an hour after the end of his first game in charge. The 5-0 defeat was, however, considered to be his most successful game as manager. Dross was finally sacked when Spuds were dumped out of the FA Cup at the first hurdle after losing 7-0 at home to Llandudno Weight Watchers XI.

Record: P17 W0 D0 L17 F0 A534

The Most Reverend Len Goddle.
Famous for delivering pre match team talks from a pulpit and wrapping players injuries with torn off pages from the Bible instead of bandages, Goddle controversially declared that results and rewards are determined by divine intervention. A striker's missed chances in front of goal, he argued, are directly due to the consequences of his sinful transgressions in a previous life, where, for example, he may have been a rapist, thief, or slave trader - or possibly even all 3, such as a Conservative MP. Goddle's assertions are all the more baffling considering that his managerial career was spectacularly free of any major success - perhaps in a former life he ran to his mothers arms whenever she called 'Kom hier, Adolf'.

Record: P22 W0 D0 L22 F0 A892