Scotland Yard have appealed for witnesses after a robbery of astonishing proportions occurred in London last night. Detective Chief Inspector Muddlejumbal of the Serious Fraud Squad called a press conference at the scene of the theft today in what many believe to be the crime of the century.

'Thank you for joining me here this morning,' began an ashen-faced Muddlejumbal. 'At this very spot last night a man was robbed of £500m - let me repeat that - £500m. I have just left the victim who understandably is in shock at the incredible amount of money that has been taken from him. Although he has been heavily sedated, he gave a brief statement and provided us with the description of the person we wish to question.'

Continuing after a large photofit of a dubious looking man was shown on a large screen, the Chief Inspector said, 'He is shifty looking, approximately four foot three in height and is described as frequently talking gibberish about eggs . This is a highly dangerous con man who the Police warn should not be trusted by anyone.'

Asked why the press conference was called at the scene of the crime, he replied 'I am appealing directly to the literally dozens of people who were here at Stamford Bridge last night who witnessed this terrible offence. I also ask that the victim, Mr. Abramovich, be left in peace.'