England's abject performance against Croatia last week bore a strong resemblance to the sort of performances Sp*rs have treated their Neanderthal supporters to on a weekly basis this season, especially at No Hart Lane. I decided to investigate both teams' respective performances on and off the field, and the similarities I noticed between the two are remarkable!

Neither England nor Tottenham have won the top prize in their respective fields for over 40 years (World Cup/domestic title respectively) and neither have any chance of doing so in the next 40 years!

Both England and Tottenham are built up no end by the media, and never live up to the hype. This results in both engaging in a managerial circus every two years!

Both England and Tottenham are world leaders in letting their fans down, especially in big games or against rival nations/clubs.

Both England and Tottenham unashamedly rip their fans off, not just in the ticket prices department, but also by flogging overpriced merchandise!

Both England and Tottenham deploy a midfield which cannot defend, meaning that no matter how good their attacks are they always let in more than they score (with England this is only noticeable when they play opposition above League 2 quality, with Tottenham this is noticeable as soon as they play teams who bother to turn up and play, unlike Derby and Wigan).

Both England and Tottenham play in white and cannot function properly against teams who play in red!

Both England and Tottenham are partial to spending vast sums of money on rubbish (the Wembley arch/Darren Bent spring to mind!)

So, are England Tottenham in disguise, or are Tottenham England in disguise? I hope you know the answer, because I can't tell the difference anymore!

Martin Jol for England!!!