My communiques to the capitalist press have been causing tides of panic among the running dogs of Arsenal consumerist slave masters! The deserved targets of my justified attacks have been the repressive evil Nazis: Fabregas and Wenger.

That Cesc Fabregas. His style of football is quite different to mine. Instead of aimless, square passing that does not threaten or even affect the other team, he frequently makes accurate passes from which we bear down on the opposition’s goal. Instead of never, ever, ever, ever shooting - he often scores. It really is very greedy of him. And why did that fascist dictator bully Wenger make such big shoutings that time I had the ball on the goal line with an empty net, and I decided to pass back to Almunia? Is it any wonder that when I returned home to humble Hampstead mansion, I immediately called an emergency meeting of the Supreme Council of Collective Bargaining?

Full list of honourable Supreme Council members:-

Comrade Chair, Premier and Secretary: A. Hleb

Comrade Treasurer: Mrs. A. Hleb

Motion: That the Co-operative Hleb household finds itself incompatible with decadent Western big city life with its capitalist fuelled society and demands a big money transfer to another big Western city.

Seconded By: Hleb family members in beloved motherland of Belarouble.

Result: Overwhelming support for motion! Two votes for, none against and one abstained. I suspect abstainer was young daughter, Stalina, who before vote asked if High School Musical is shown on Catalan TV. I will send anonymous tip off to household secret police (Mrs. Hleb). Such subversive activity cannot be tolerated in a free-thinking, progressive society.

So, it is settled! I will suffer the wastelands and gulags of the Cost Brava. It will be an ultimate sacrifice that will doubtless cause the Arsenal fans immense grief and anger. Who knows, their fury might bring down the hated despot Wenger. That may be my legacy. I am not one to demand transfers for spurious reasons, and nor do I blame others for my own shortcomings. My agent can do that.