The people I feel sorry for are the lot who hired a boat to get to the game. Can you imagine how they must be feeling? You go to all that trouble and expense. You have a brilliant time drinking in the late summer sun, feeling at one with nature, and then you have to stop, get off, and watch that pile of crap. I mean if they’d have known how awful Arsenal were going to be, they could have cruised all the way down to Richmond and had a nice little barbecue on the grass instead. Wouldn’t that have been nice?

I can’t remember a more gutless, insipid performance so totally lacking in energy and imagination. The goal was what has now become classic Arsenal. The cross comes in, their big goon from the back goes in. Our centre half, this time Gallas, goes half way with him and then decides against it. The bloke, completely unchallenged, puts the ball in the net. How easy is that? If that was your pub team, you’d be going mental. Please bear in mind that our William is the captain and leader of men. Officer material? Yeah right. He does all that touchy, feely, silly bollocks at the start of the game, and then disappears when it matters. When it all goes horribly wrong, his head either comes off, or drops right down to his knees. Sometimes it even does both.

Of course you can never say the same about Kolo, because he doesn’t even take his head out on to the pitch with him to start with. Can anyone explain to me how he always manages to walk back in the team straight after an absence? Will we ever win anything with those two at the back? Not a hope in hell. All winning teams have good centre halves. You can look back as far as you like to know that that is FACT. Where would I put them in the all time list? Below Ian Ure, but slightly above Gus Caesar.

What exactly has happened to Denilson? He had a stinker. You would have thought, bearing in mind that there’s a midfield slot up for grabs, that he’d be playing out of his skin. I remember on first seeing him, thinking that he and Cesc were going to be Arsenal’s modern day answer to Bremner and Giles. Rory Bremner, maybe, but I wouldn’t even put money on that now.

Walcott? The first time I was aware of him was when he was subbed off. He even had the gall to look a bit miffed about it. Theo, you did very well to last for as long as you did, mate. Rejoice!

Adebayor and RVP? Are they meant to be a partnership? I mean in the sense that they combine together to bring out each other’s strengths. I think if it was a marriage, and I was Wenger, I’d be looking to call in Relate. They might as well not be on the same pitch. Centre backs are not the only people who have to play in pairs. If I see Van Persie hit the wall again with a free kick, I’m going to f**king scream!

I’m trying desperately hard to finish on a positive note, but that’s proving a lot harder than I would have liked. If Eboue does have a niche, then it’s certainly in the centre of midfield, by virtue of the fact that he’s a crap right back and an even worse right wing. Is that good enough? Song came on for absolutely no apparent reason and instantly looked the best player on the park by a mile. He should walk into that team. Anything else? Well there’s another week before the transfer window slams shut, so the season might not be a complete waste of time. That’s about it really. Oh, and Britain did really well in the Olympics.

What you should bear in mind is that Hull managed to beat that lot last week. Anyone fancy a cruise along the River Humber?... I’ll take that as a ‘No’, then.