In a wholly justified volte face, the FA yesterday rescinded the red card given last Saturday to England Captain John Terry. The wholly unwarranted sending off was reversed on further viewing of TV evidence which showed that not only did Terry clearly not attempt to rugby-tackle the Manchester City forward, Jo, but actually attempted to pat him on the back as he zipped past in a tribute to the Manchester City man’s speed and skill.

An FA spokesman said “This highlights just the kind of man Terry is - big hearted, honest and committed to playing the game as it should be. John Terry continues to set a fine example as England captain. We are delighted that Terry is keeping up the players’ end of the “Respect” campaign which is proving to be a complete success.”

While others have pointed out that FA rules in fact don’t allow the downgrading of a red to a yellow card, the FA spokesman went on; “In this case we took into account the precedent of our capitulating to an England captain when a similar injustice was prevented by us a few years ago. On that occasion we were able to use video evidence to confirm that Alan Shearer’s boot did not in any way to connect deliberately with the face of Neil Lennon. Nor did this decision follow a threat from Shearer to retire from playing for his country. We hope that this clears up the issue once and for all. We will not tolerate those cheating Johnny Foreigners from showing up our national team players for being the graceless, charmless bores they invariably are.”

Team-mate Ashley Cole said “It’s great news that JT has been acquitted. We’re all off to China White to get p***ed and vomit on women who are not our wives. Lovely.”