The only reason the current Premiership table is not the perfect league table is because it doesn’t say played 38, other than that it looks just as you’d wish it to. Just how good is it to see Arsenal: played 5 won 4 - goals for 11 against 2 at the top of the table, and the Scum: played 5 won none drawn 2 lost 3 - goals for 4 against 7 at the bottom. It is early days I know but after just five games there is already a ten point gap, how embarrassing is that if you are a Tiny Tott? Not even the Toon disaster area has faired as badly to date and they haven’t even got a manager!

Bad starts are one thing but Tottenham appear to have serious problems. Can anyone see where the Spuds goals are going to come from? Roman Pavlyuchenko the untested - in the Premiership at least - Russian who can’t play in Europe. The largely untested Fraizer Campbell who can’t play against United? Giovani dos Santos who came from Barca but is still on a steep learning curve. Or Darren Bent who with 8 goals in 36 outings last season just confirmed he can’t quite play at the top level? So should you ever feel down this season just compare those four to Van Persie, Adebayor, Bendtner, Vela, Walcott and even Jay Simpson and you’ll feel very good indeed.

Woe is Tottenham. And just who do they think will want to come to their club in the January transfer window if they maintain their current position?