As the credit crunch continues to bite, striking fear into even the stoutest of hearts, Tottenham Hotspur FC magnificently bucks the trend. This marvellous institution, standing proud and unaffected by the global maelstrom of economic uncertainty, appears as a beacon of light and offers hope to us all. In fact, I have it on very good authority from an unnamed source that a business consortium located in the northern hemisphere (although its location in the southern hemisphere cannot be entirely ruled out) has or possibly has not expressed a non-binding non-definite interest in possibly tabling a speculative bid for Tottenham Hotspur FC for a figure rumoured to be in the region – or not – of £200.

This is sensational stuff. For those of you unfamiliar with high finance (as opposed to the leading expert that I am, since I literally spend minutes at a time visiting several websites concerning this subject), £200 is quite a lot of money. For example, a tower of £200 made up of £1 coins placed one on top of the other would easily reach the height of a medium sized spaniel - maybe even higher. Or lower. Hmmm… maybe it would be a good idea to ‘Ask Jeeves’ for clarification about this, as I do when I need to write articles about the latest financial ‘wheelings and dealings’ (as we say in the trade!).

One of my secret confidantes – to whom I have I have taken a solemn undertaking not to name – tells me that global corporations are impressed by the way in which the glorious Tottenham Hotspur has cleverly positioned itself in a vantage point where they can look up and assess all the Premier League teams in order to identify and exploit their individual weaknesses. This brilliant ploy of making their worst start to a campaign for more than half a century is paying huge dividends. Another informant – who has begged me to remain anonymous and is very real, I promise – also reported that Spurs have made themselves hugely attractive to an undertaking by a massive commercial concern. Or not. One thing is certain though, Spurs are an institution justly famed throughout the world for its long history of English footballing dominance and their legions of loyal fans.

Meanwhile, another of my sources (the identity of whom I’m not at liberty to divulge), who is connected with a secret business group based over the hills and far, far away, tells me that extremely tough times are on their way to the least successful football club in London – Arsenal. Apparently this piffling little concern, housed in their crumbling disaster of a new stadium that can only muster crowds of a miserly 60,000 on a regular basis, is in deep trouble due to its perennial high league placing and continual Champions League presence. I fully expect this club to disappear soon.

All my insightful reportage that unbelievably has yet to bag me a Pullitzer prize for journalism, can be found in my new book ‘Blowhard’, published by Koppey and Cuttenpayst at a very reasonable £589.99.

(With gratitude to previous donors to the onlinegooner on this subject)

(Ed’s note – And thanks to Doktor Schneide for forwarding Mihe’s blog on his behalf!)