The Worst Football Team In Britain?

Book review time



The Worst Football Team In Britain?

The book itself - recommended


Ed's note - as we are nearing the end of a fortnight without any Arsenal action, I'm willing to run this kind of thing if I'm asked nicely! And although the direct relevance to Arsenal is zero, it's apparently a cracking read, so no harm done. There'll be a review of a new Subbuteo book next week as well, for no better reason than the fact that I love it!

When I first found out what this book was about, I was worried. I was concerned for two reasons. Firstly, on a personal level, the book was about football in the 1960s, a time long before I was even born, let alone followed the game. This obviously wasn’t the authors fault, but I still feared it might spoil my enjoyment of the book. Secondly, I thought the book might simply be too niche and self-involved. There are plenty of books already out there that document the journey of a fan through a particularly strange or difficult season, but these are often based around reasonably well-known teams. Therefore, even if the team in question isn’t your own team, you might still have a passing interest in them and know some of their players and opposition. How interested could I become, I wondered, in an Isthmian League team from 1969. The answer was very.

Author Dave Roberts manages to dismiss my concerns within the opening couple of chapters. He writes about the team and players in a way that means it doesn’t matter whether you know the era or the team or not. The opening sections of the book read like a beginner’s guide to Bromley FC - its players, staff and fans. We are given short snapshots of various characters, both on and off the pitch, and once we know these then we are well on the way. Well on the way that is, to being dragged into the story of a season that is about as bad as it gets. It says something about the writing that I found myself hoping, as the book progressed, that the team would suddenly have a change in form and climb away from the bottom of the league. This isn’t the point of the book though. The book is about how terrible the team are and how the author, a naive 14 year-old boy in 1969, continues to follow and support them, no matter what. It doesn’t spoil the book in the slightest if I tell you that Bromley finish bottom of their league, the subtitle of ‘the true story supporting the worst football team in Britain’ should already indicate as much. The fun comes from reading how they got there, and the ups and downs, mainly the downs, along the way.

It’s not just about football though. The book intertwines the story of the season with the author’s experience of growing up in the 1960s. Again, even if you’re not familiar with the era, the cultural references are detailed so well that you get an understanding of what it was all like. The author tells his tale from the point of view of his teenage self and the passion of this youngster shows through strongly, as does the naivety. However, it isn’t just like reading the footballing diary of a 14 year-old, an exercise that would most likely become tedious and frustrating after a while. Whilst writing it from a teenage point of view, the author cleverly and subtly inserts a more mature comment and analysis. For example, he talks about his delight at receiving a copy of the All Stars Football Book, edited by Jimmy Armfield, for Christmas. He tells us how impressed he is that Armfield found time to edit the book alongside playing for his club and country.

The book has many of these clever little moments that will almost certainly bring out a smile or chuckle. Some of the reasons the players would give for having to miss matches are also quite amusing, not to mention alien by today’s standards. Deciding to go on holiday in the middle of the season is my particular favourite. However, to say, as it does on the cover, that the book is ‘agonisingly funny’ seems a bit far-fetched. Obviously what different people think of as funny depends on an individual’s sense of humour, but I personally would describe the book as being humorous in parts but not laugh out loud funny. This doesn’t detract from it at all though, there’s enough comedy happening on the pitch to keep the reader well entertained.

As a football fan, I was particularly impressed and engaged by the stories detailing the lengths the author would go to in making sure he got to see the team play, especially as he was only 14 at the time. I was disappointed then to read in the epilogue that he has only watched Bromley play twice since the mid 1970s, having moved away from the area at that time. More disappointing than the actual fact that he moved was the fact that he gives us no explanation as to why he stopped following the team so obsessively. It seems a strange piece of information to give but not expand upon.

This doesn’t take anything away from the rest of the book though and it’s well worth a read. I picked the book up thinking that it would probably only be of interest to those who remember football from the 60’s, or maybe even only to those who remember the non-league football of the era. Having read it, I can now say that it would be of interest to most people who have ever passionately followed a team, who know what it’s like to experience the ups and downs a season can bring. I don’t just mean lower league fans either, this is a good read for anyone who understands what being a football fan is all about. It may even convert those who don’t. A good read about an awful team.

The Bromley Boys - The True Story of Supporting the Worst Football Team in Britain by Dave Roberts is published by Portico for £12.99 (although it can be bought cheaper online)


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